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Some people children spend a great amount of their time practicing sports. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this.

Some people children spend a great amount of their time practicing sports. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this. 52D2D
Nowadays more and more children start to pick up sports such us football, badminton and squash. Besides, that some even spend a great amount of time practicing sports. Sports seem to be the beat way to promote health besides helping the children to fill their leisure time. However, children that spend too much time in sports may neglect their studies and effect their family's bond. Children that spend time on sports not only keep their bodies healthy but at the same time build a strong body. Children who spend too much time studying and spend less on sports may obtain a very good result in academic studies but not in sports. Besides that, they are vulnerable against illnesses as their bodies are relatively weak. Furthermore, sports help children to make full use of their time. By spending most of their time on sports children may not have not enough time to spend on other bad activities such as illegal racing smoking and drugs which will eventually spoil their future. However, children that spend too much time on sports may face a negative effect on their studies. This is because by spending too much time on sports they may not have enough time to study. Even if they want to study their exhausted body may not allow them to do so. This will eventually cause their academic performance to decline. Besides that the relationship between children and their family members will be affected. This is because most of their time were spend on the sports and they have no time to spend with their family as their remaining time are used on doing their homework and studies. In conclusion, sports do give advantages to children as it helps preserve their health besides ensuring their times were fully utilized. However, children should not be encouraged to spend to much time on sports as this will affect their studies and family's relationship.
Nowadays more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to pick up
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
such us football, badminton and squash.
Besides
, that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
even
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
a great amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
practicing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Sports
seem to be the beat way to promote health
besides
helping the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to fill their leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
too
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
may neglect their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
and effect their family's bond.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bodies
healthy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
at the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
build a strong
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
body
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
too
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
studying and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
less on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
may obtain a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
result in academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
.
Besides
that, they are vulnerable against illnesses as their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bodies
are
relatively
weak.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
full
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. By spending most of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
may
Double negatives are discouraged in standard English. Can you reformulate this phrase or is a comma missing?
not have not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
on other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
activities such as illegal racing smoking and drugs which will
eventually
spoil their future.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
too
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
may face a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effect on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
by spending too
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
they may not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
. Even if they want to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
their exhausted
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
body
may not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
them to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
. This will
eventually
cause their academic performance to decline.
Besides
that the relationship between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and their family members will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
most of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
Did you mean "where" or "we"?
were
Consider using a past participle here: "spent".
spend
on the
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
sports and
they have no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
with their family as their remaining
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
on doing their homework and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
.
In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
do give advantages to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
as it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
preserve their health
besides
ensuring their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
were
fully
utilized.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should not
be encouraged
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
Did you mean "too"?
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
as this will affect their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
and family's relationship.
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IELTS essay Some people children spend a great amount of their time practicing sports. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this.

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
319 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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