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Some people belive that video games shows violence while other believe that is not the case agree or disagree

Some people belive that video games shows violence while other believe that is not the case agree or disagree m373n
It is often seen that people do not feel secure either at their house are going out. What has been disclosed in recent survey has highlighted the need to increase safety not only on the street but also at home. The goal of this essay to put forward that why this happened and how can it will be solve. In every country, rich and poor citizen are concerned about the safety issue both at their home and street. In the first place, individuals had been boom but with the rise in the number of murder, rape or house robbery almost every day. In developing countries, every individual want to show cast their lavish lifestyle, but they do not want to hustle hard, so to on Dot lifestyle they prefer using short cuts for their food clothing and house The problem can firstly be remedied by taking strict actions towards such crimes. There should also be more penalties for such crimes. Criminals should be kept in prison for longer duration. Moreover for road accident government should also build proper roads and should see that rules is being followed properly In conclusion, Street crime and road accidents are two most common reason people do not feel safe at today. It is hoped that this issue must be resolved quickly before it get out of hand.
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
do not feel secure either at their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
are going out. What has
been disclosed
in recent survey has highlighted the need to increase safety not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
on the street
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
at home. The goal of this essay to put forward that why this happened and how can it will be
Consider using the past participle "solved"?
solve
.

In every country, rich and poor citizen
are concerned
about the safety issue both at their home and street. In the
first
place, individuals had been boom
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
with the rise in the number of murder, rape or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
robbery almost every day.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developing countries
, every individual want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
cast their lavish lifestyle,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they do not want to hustle
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
to on Dot lifestyle they prefer using short
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cuts
for their food clothing and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house


The problem can
firstly
be remedied
by taking strict actions towards such crimes. There should
also
be more penalties for such crimes. Criminals should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
in prison for longer duration.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Moreover
for road accident
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should
also
build proper roads and should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
is
being followed
properly


In conclusion
, Street crime and road accidents are two most common reason
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
do not feel safe at
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
. It
is hoped
that this issue
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be resolved
quickly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
out of hand.

IELTS essay Some people belive that video games shows violence while other believe that is not the case agree or disagree

Essay
  American English
2 paragraphs
223 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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