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Some people belive that computer skills should learn with school subjects such as reading ,writing and math. Do you agree or disagree.

Some people belive that computer skills should learn with school subjects such as reading, writing and math. 8D1P
In this age and centry most people engaged with computer devices and they think that computer skills should be added to primary subjects in elementry schools. In contrast, firmly advocate that children should learn this subjects itself at first years of school. Some people claimed that computer skills plays vital role in a kids life. They should learn in primary age which boost this skill in adulthood. In addition, in the future most of employers will require computer skills to addition diploma it would be good idea to learn this skill since childhood with school subjects such as reading, writing and mathematics. Computer skills is significant in years for every one. On the other hand, i belive that in primary years of school childrens do not have to combine school subjects with computer skills. In first place, it will effect not only for their eye vision but also their whole organism. In this ages kids body is becomes suseptible which have tendency to get ill. Gazing to computer will uttely damage their body. For example, recent resourche which conducted by the United Kingdom shows that most of children this children learned better in real life that in virtual one. Computer devices is not essential for a kid to learn from first grade. In conclistion, particular tip of people said that computer devices should be indispensible which school subjects to increase knowlege in this sector. However, i belive that school children do not have to immerse in this major.
In this age and
Possible spelling mistake found.
centry
most
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
engaged with computer
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
devices and
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
added
to primary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
in
Possible spelling mistake found.
elementry
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
.
In contrast
,
firmly
advocate that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
itself at
first
years of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
claimed that computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
plays vital role in a
Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean "kids'" or "kid's"?
kids
life. They should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
in primary age which boost this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
in adulthood.
In addition
, in the future
After 'most of', you should use 'the' ("most of the employers") or simply say "most employers".
most of employers
will require computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
to addition diploma it would be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
since childhood with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
such as reading, writing and mathematics. Computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
is significant in years for every one.
On the other hand
, i
Possible spelling mistake found.
belive
that in primary years of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
Possible spelling mistake found.
childrens
do not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
combine
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
with computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
. In
first
place, it will
Did you mean "affect"?
effect
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
for their eye vision
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
their whole organism. In
Did you mean "these"?
this
ages kids body is becomes
Possible spelling mistake found.
suseptible
which have tendency to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
ill. Gazing to computer will
Possible spelling mistake found.
uttely
damage their body.
For example
, recent
Possible spelling mistake found.
resourche
which conducted by the United Kingdom
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that most of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
Did you mean "these"?
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
learned better in real life that in virtual one. Computer devices is not essential for a kid to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
from
first
grade. In
Possible spelling mistake found.
conclistion
, particular tip of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
said that computer devices should be
Possible spelling mistake found.
indispensible
which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
to increase
Possible spelling mistake found.
knowlege
in this sector.
However
, i
Possible spelling mistake found.
belive
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
do not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
immerse in this major.
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IELTS essay Some people belive that computer skills should learn with school subjects such as reading, writing and math.

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
248 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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