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Some people believes that eventually all jobs will be done by artificially intelligent robots Discuss both views and give your own opinion v.2

Some people believes that eventually all jobs will be done by artificially intelligent robots 2
Nowadays, smart robots are progressively being substituted human workforce in various fields. While some people have a conviction that artificially intelligent robots can be overtaken all manual (blue-collar) occupations, it is unlikely that jobs which requires emotions can be carried out by machines. I will elaborate in this essay why only particular jobs will be replaceable with people. First and foremost, careers which are conducting by hands can be easily done by machines without rely on human forces. Many companies will inevitably tend to utilize accurately programmed robots so that they can enhance the productivity by minimizing or even eradicating human errors. For instance, workers in production line usually do some boring routine tasks which may leads to a familiar and mistakes. Machines can easily do these jobs more effectively and precisely. Moreover, production of some of these manufactures might jeopardize human health due to working with chemical materials for example. Therefore, in such cases, robots would be far better option. Another vital fact which should be take into consideration is that there are some emotional careers that human presence is an integrated part of them. Undoubtedly, when it comes to the people interactions, behavior, knowledge and experience play prominent roles in the jobs. I remember when I faced an issue in my marriage, I went to a therapy and shared my concerns. If I could not have consult with my psychologist, I would have never known my depression disorders. Furthermore, although knowledge can be transferred by program, it would be impossible to take into account all the human conduction variations since it is totally unpredictable. You cannot determine the feeling of the people regarding specific behavior and that is the hardest part of the automation. Based on the points mentioned above replacement of human staff will be happen for a considerable number of jobs in future. Robots will be dominant in blue-collar jobs; however, some other sophisticated jobs will continue to be under humans’ control. Ultimately, very few jobs will be safe in an increasingly artificially intelligent labor.
Nowadays, smart robots are
progressively
being substituted
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
workforce in various fields. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have a conviction that
artificially
intelligent robots can
be overtaken
all manual (blue-collar) occupations, it is unlikely that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
which requires emotions can
be carried
out by machines. I will elaborate in this essay why
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
particular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
will be replaceable with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

First
and foremost, careers which are conducting by hands can be
easily
done by machines without rely on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
forces.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
will
inevitably
tend to utilize
accurately
programmed robots
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can enhance the productivity by minimizing or even eradicating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
errors.
For instance
, workers in production line
usually
do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
boring routine tasks which may leads to a familiar and mistakes. Machines can
easily
do these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
more
effectively
and
precisely
.
Moreover
, production of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of these manufactures might jeopardize
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
health due to working with chemical materials
for example
.
Therefore
, in such cases, robots would be far better option.

Another vital fact which should be
Did you mean "taken"?
take
into consideration is that there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
emotional careers that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
presence is an integrated part of them.
Undoubtedly
, when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
interactions, behavior, knowledge and experience play prominent roles in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
. I remember when I faced an issue in my marriage, I went to a therapy and shared my concerns. If I could not have
Use past participle here: "consulted".
consult
with my psychologist, I would have never known my depression disorders.
Furthermore
, although knowledge can
be transferred
by program, it would be impossible to take into account all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
conduction variations since it is
totally
unpredictable. You cannot determine the feeling of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
regarding specific behavior and
that is
the hardest part of the automation.

Based on the points mentioned above replacement of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
staff will be
Consider using the past participle "happened"?
happen
for a considerable number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
Did you mean: "in the future"?
in future
. Robots will be dominant in blue-collar
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
;
however
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
other sophisticated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
will continue to be under
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans’
control.
Ultimately
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
will be safe in an
increasingly
artificially
intelligent labor.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
16Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believes that eventually all jobs will be done by artificially intelligent robots 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
339 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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