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It is too expensive to look after and repair old buildings That money should be spent on building modern buildings instead v.2

It is too expensive to look after and repair old buildings That money should be spent on building modern buildings instead v. 2
Nowadays, preservation of the old instructors cost a significant amount of money. While some people have a conviction that this money would be spent to build modern infrastructures, I will elaborate in this essay why I am a strong oppose of this approach. First and foremost, historic buildings in each place are representative of the culture of corresponding period. Many of them has been recorded in UNESCO since they are nations’ history. For instance, Isfahan is a cultural heritage of Iran and this fact is clearly visible from its stony constructions with magnificent paintings back to several centuries ago. Undoubtedly, the level of expenditures on restoring such buildings is high but it is worth. Furthermore, the tourism industry of some countries strongly attached to these memorable buildings so that they can make a lot of money which can be replaces in turns of the amount which has been spent. Another vital fact that should be taken into consideration is that living in modern buildings equipped with modern facilities become an inevitable part of today’s life. Having access to the latest technologies such as automation lighting which most of the people are accustomed to use them, could be very deceptive. Moreover, applying such facilities for modern building with proper infrastructures would be far cheaper in terms of expenses such as disposal, reassembling the materials and consulting fee of the experts who should confirm the renewing the building. Therefore, economically it does not make sense. On the basis of the point mentioned above, old monuments tell us about the history and we are not allowed to not maintain them with the excuse of waste of money. Even so, buildings that cannot be restored should be destroyed
Nowadays, preservation of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
instructors cost a significant amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have a conviction that this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
would
be spent
to build
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
infrastructures, I will elaborate in this essay why I am a strong oppose of this approach.

First
and foremost, historic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buildings
in each place are representative of the culture of corresponding period.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
of them has
been recorded
in UNESCO since they are nations’ history.
For instance
, Isfahan is a cultural heritage of Iran and this fact is
clearly
visible from its stony constructions with magnificent paintings back to several centuries ago.
Undoubtedly
, the level of expenditures on restoring such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buildings
is high
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it is worth.
Furthermore
, the tourism industry of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countries
strongly
attached to these memorable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buildings
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
which can be
Consider using the past participle "replaced"?
replaces
in turns of the amount which has
been spent
.

Another vital fact that should
be taken
into consideration is that living in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buildings
equipped with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
facilities become an inevitable part of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s life. Having access to the latest technologies such as automation lighting which most of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are accustomed
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
them, could be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
deceptive.
Moreover
, applying such facilities for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
building
with proper infrastructures would be far cheaper in terms of expenses such as disposal, reassembling the materials and consulting fee of the experts who should confirm the renewing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
building
.
Therefore
,
economically
it does not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
sense.

On the basis of the point mentioned above,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
monuments
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tell
us about the
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
history and
we are not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to not maintain them with the excuse of waste of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
. Even
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buildings
that cannot
be restored
should be
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
destroyed
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
15Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
One language sets you in a corridor for life. Two languages open every door along the way.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay It is too expensive to look after and repair old buildings That money should be spent on building modern buildings instead v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
283 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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