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Some people believes that children should be raised in cities. Others think the better location is the countryside. What is your opinion?

Some people believes that children should be raised in cities. Others think the better location is the countryside. What is your opinion? 6p0dr
Many thinks that better upbringing of a child can only happen in urban areas, despite, the other believes that villages can be best for children to be raised. However, both the places have their own individual specialties and can help children to grow well in many ways. In my opinion, villages are best place for rising the kids. Firstly, kids who grown-up in villages have more values of customs and culture in compare with the kids who are from metro areas. As admittedly, villagers have maintained their cultural lifestyle and people who reside in city sides do not know the traditional and cultural lifestyle as they live a hectic life and they do not have time to follow these values. As a result they might provide their lads a high-fie well maintained lifestyle but cannot provide tradition and cultural education. Secondly, countryside families mostly lives in big joint families in one big house, therefore kids who lives in villages can have plenty of family members around them and a big play area and so that they cannot feel isolated. However, children who come-up from cities are more educated and up-to-date if we compare them with countryside’s kids, but sadly they mostly do live with their working parents and spent most of their time alone in small flat or apartments due to this they feel so alone and get depressed too. To conclude, I must say that may there are so many positive benefits to bring-up children in cities but in my opinion village based grown-up kids can value customs and cannot feel alone by living with a big family.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thinks
that better upbringing of a child can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
happen in urban areas, despite, the other believes that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
villages
can be best for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
be raised
.
However
, both the places have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
individual specialties and can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to grow well in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways. In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
villages
A determiner is probably missing here: "are the best".
are best
place for rising the kids.

Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
A noun should not follow 'who'. Try changing to a verb or maybe to "who is a grown-up".
who grown-up
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
villages
have more values of customs and culture in compare with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are from metro areas. As
admittedly
, villagers have maintained their cultural lifestyle and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
reside in city sides do not know the traditional and cultural lifestyle as they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
a hectic
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
life and
they do not have time to follow these values.
As a result
they might provide their lads a high-fie well maintained lifestyle
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
cannot provide tradition and cultural education.

Secondly
, countryside
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families
mostly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
big
joint
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
in one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
big
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
,
therefore
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
Did you mean "live"? Alternatively, check whether the singular of 'kids' should be used.
lives
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
villages
can have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members around them and a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
big
play area and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they cannot feel isolated.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
-up from cities are more educated and up-to-date if we compare them with countryside’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
sadly
they
mostly
do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
with their working parents and spent most of their time alone in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
flat or apartments due to this they feel
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
alone and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
depressed too.

To conclude
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
say that may there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
benefits to bring-up
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in cities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in my opinion
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
village
based grown-up
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
can value customs and cannot feel alone by living with a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
.
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IELTS essay Some people believes that children should be raised in cities. Others think the better location is the countryside. What is your opinion?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
269 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
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