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The government should pay for the course fees for everyone who want to study at the University. Do you agree or disagree?

The government should pay for the course fees for everyone who want to study at the University. pbEJ3
Fees for volunteers who are have desire to study in the extra classes should pay by Government. I equally agree with this assertion because of poor family's talented children although they can supply financially themselves. On the one hand, some aspirants growth in low economy which can not makes their needs for study at university. In other words their family bring up talented generation for government's profits but they are not able to study. This means that if students supported by State they will bring development to the country. The example clear from numerous studies 30% students who are grown up in poor families are bringing scientific news which can assist to Government for improving in technology. Thus, Giving feedback by financial sides to children makes a opportunity for creating new ones what can alter the state to possitive sides. On the other hand, supporting students for their needs for study university makes them reluctance who can supply themselves by working and finding work. In other words, assisting to aspirants even though they have job is a spending money to useless things. This means Country must give spiritual feedback which can endeavour them to find way of supplying themselves. For instance, nowadays 20% students they study but also work for finding money for their study. Therefore, giving money to students instead of urging them to work in their extra time is spending money for unthought projects. To put in nutshell, talented students are staying without paying attention by government although they can work instead of waiting help from state are main reason why I equally agree with this statement.
Fees for volunteers who are
Consider using a past participle here: "had".
have
desire to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
in the extra classes should pay by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
. I
equally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this assertion
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of poor family's talented children although they can supply
financially
themselves. On the one hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "aspirants'" or "aspirant's"?
aspirants
growth in low economy which can not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
their needs for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
at university.
In other words
their family bring up talented generation for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
's profits
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they are not able to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
. This means that if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
supported by State they will bring development to the country. The example
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
from numerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
30%
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who
are grown
up in poor families are bringing scientific news which can assist to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
for improving in technology.
Thus
, Giving feedback by financial sides to children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
opportunity for creating new ones what can alter the state to
Possible spelling mistake found.
possitive
sides.
On the other hand
, supporting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
for their needs for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
university
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them reluctance who can supply themselves by working and finding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
In other words
, assisting to aspirants
even though
they have job is a spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to useless things. This means Country
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
give spiritual feedback which can
Possible spelling mistake. 'endeavour' is British English.
endeavour
them to find way of supplying themselves.
For instance
, nowadays 20%
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for finding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
.
Therefore
, giving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
instead
of urging them to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in their extra time is spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for
Possible spelling mistake found.
unthought
projects. To put in nutshell, talented
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are staying without paying attention by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
although they can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
instead
of waiting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
from state are main reason why I
equally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement.
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IELTS essay The government should pay for the course fees for everyone who want to study at the University.

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
269 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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