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Nowadays people make new friends through social networks and internet chat groups. Some people think this is good. Other think that face-to-face interaction is essential. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.9

Nowadays people make new friends through social networks and internet chat groups. Some people think this is good. Other think that face-to-face interaction is essential. v. 9
With an increasing advancement in the internet technology, people can interact with each other, share their personal ideas and express their opinion on many controversial issues. While some people consider this as a positive development with a growth of technology, I would argue that the genuine relationship can be only built by facing each other in a real life. Admittedly, those who advocate that interaction over the virtual media such as the Facebook, Instagram or Twitter might allege that delivering their intention through the internet messengers is much more efficient and sometimes, clearer. Indeed, it is absolutely true that the amount of resources such as time and money is significantly reduced by utilizing such technology. For instance, a number of business people have their business meeting among their business partners by holding a video conference to build good relationships and thereby substantiating their business deliverables. Although people meet each other over the virtual network, they still leave decent impressions to their partners; thus, the need for face to face interaction may be seen as unnecessary to make good companions. Yet, I would definitely claim that clear interpersonal interaction is imperative for building strong bonds with other people. Communication is a field that allows solving problems with friends, and it is a subject that encompasses not only the language, but also non-verbal features such as facial expressions and body languages. To elaborate, a meaning of the message can become different depending on the tone; while a verbal conversation allows to communicate such tone difference, the text messages over the phone messenger fails to deliver the full atmosphere of the communication clearly. Therefore, It is imperative that people should realize the importance of face-to-face interaction in order to build strong communication so as to build good relationships. To conclude, while people may believe that social media networks is a good tool to build relationships with each other, I would argue that the clear message delivery is compromised; only the real life interaction allows such level of communication.
With an increasing advancement in the internet technology,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can interact with each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
, share their personal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
and express their opinion on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
controversial issues. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
consider this as a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
development with a growth of technology, I would argue that the genuine relationship can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
built by facing each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
in a real life.

Admittedly
, those who advocate that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interaction
over the virtual media such as the Facebook, Instagram or Twitter might allege that delivering their intention through the internet messengers is much more efficient and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
, clearer.
Indeed
, it is
absolutely
true that the amount of resources such as time and money is
significantly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
by utilizing such technology.
For instance
, a number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
meeting among their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
partners by holding a video conference to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
build
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
relationships and thereby substantiating their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
deliverables. Although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
over the virtual network, they
still
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
decent impressions to their partners;
thus
, the need for face to face
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interaction
may be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
as unnecessary to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
companions.

Yet
, I would definitely claim that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
interpersonal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interaction
is imperative for building strong bonds with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Communication
is a field that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
solving problems with friends, and it is a subject that encompasses not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the language,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
non-verbal features such as facial expressions and body languages. To elaborate, a meaning of the message can become
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
depending on the tone; while a verbal conversation
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
to communicate such tone difference, the text messages over the phone messenger fails to deliver the full atmosphere of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
clearly
.
Therefore
, It is imperative that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should realize the importance of face-to-face
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interaction
in order to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
build
strong
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
'So as to' expresses purpose and is used in formal texts. Consider using "to"
so as to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
build
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
relationships.

To conclude
, while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
may believe that social media networks is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
tool to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
build
relationships with each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
, I would argue that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
message delivery
is compromised
;
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the real life
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interaction
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
such level of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay Nowadays people make new friends through social networks and internet chat groups. Some people think this is good. Other think that face-to-face interaction is essential. v. 9

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
335 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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