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some people believe the range of technology available to individuals today is increasing the gap between poor and rich people. Others think it is having the opposite effect. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. v.1

some people believe the range of technology available to individuals today is increasing the gap between poor and rich people. Others think it is having the opposite effect. v. 1
It is commonly believed that modern technological advancements are widening the gap between the upper class and the lower class. Others, however, believe the opposite. In my opinion, certain technological innovations are available to all people in the society and make contributions to bridging the wealth gap, nevertheless, certain innovations are inaccessible to poor because of their high cost. On the one hand, some people think that certain innovation and discoveries play an integral role in filling the gap between different income levels. This is because they are accessible to all people among different social class due to their easy availability at cheaper rates. For instance, the internet technology is available to almost all sections of the society. It is affordable to all the people and certain places such as railway station, bus station and airport are wifi hotspots where the internet is freely available. Besides this, modern technologies have provided great opportunities for the poor to get rich. For example, the internet has already made many people become billionaire by setting their own commercial website. Compared to traditional industries, which require large initial investment and higher operational costs. Hence, the internet is much better and cheaper platform to make fortune for people from all social backgrounds. On the other hand, many people argued that certain advancements in technology is not affordable for the poorer sections of the society. Modern medicines, for example, is expensive. Certain new drugs and diagnostic procedures are very costly. Certain affluent people who developed cancer took treatment with special kind of protein which was very expensive but had fewer side effects compared to conventional chemotherapy. Rich people can access these treatments by spending only a small amount of their income and improve their health. Poor people, on the other side, have to spend all of their money for conventional treatment and yet there is no guarantee of returning to a state of good health. To conclude, although some claim that modern technology magnifies the gap between the rich and the poor, I strongly believe that it could narrow the difference between social classes.
It is
commonly
believed that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
technological advancements are widening the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gap
between the upper
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
and the lower
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
. Others,
however
, believe the opposite. In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
certain
technological innovations are available to all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the society and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
contributions to bridging the wealth
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gap
,
nevertheless
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
certain
innovations are inaccessible to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their high cost.

On the one hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
certain
innovation and discoveries play an integral role in filling the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gap
between
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
income levels. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are accessible to all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
among
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
due to their easy availability at cheaper rates.
For instance
, the internet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
is available to almost all sections of the society. It is affordable to all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
certain
places such as railway station, bus station and airport are
Did you mean "Wi-Fi"? (This is the officially approved term by the Wi-Fi Alliance.)
wifi
hotspots where the internet is
freely
available.
Besides
this,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
have provided great opportunities for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
rich.
For example
, the internet has already made
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
become billionaire by setting their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
commercial website. Compared to traditional industries, which require large initial investment and higher operational costs.
Hence
, the internet is much better and cheaper platform to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
fortune for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from all social backgrounds.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
argued that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
certain
advancements in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
is not affordable for the poorer sections of the society.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Modern
medicines,
for example
, is expensive.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Certain
new drugs and diagnostic procedures are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
costly.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Certain
affluent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who developed cancer took treatment with special kind of protein which was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
expensive
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
had fewer side effects compared to conventional chemotherapy. Rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can access these treatments by spending
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
amount of their income and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their health.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, on the other side,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
spend all of their money for conventional treatment and
yet
there is no guarantee of returning to a state of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
health.

To conclude
, although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
claim that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
magnifies the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gap
between the rich and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
, I
strongly
believe that it could narrow the difference between social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
34Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
Language is to the mind more than light is to the eye.
William Gibson

IELTS essay some people believe the range of technology available to individuals today is increasing the gap between poor and rich people. Others think it is having the opposite effect. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
348 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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