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Some people believe the purpose of education should be helping the individual to become useful for society, while others believe it should help individuals to achieve their ambitions. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

While some people think that the main aim of education is to make children effective members for the population of a country in the future, others tend to believe that education is aimed at satisfying people’s desires to be the leaders or competitive individuals. This essay discusses both sides of the argument and then I will give my own perspective. On the one hand, many people argue that the educational system should prepare children to become valuable members of society. This is because people are known to absorb and acquire any new information very easily and quickly during their childhood. Therefore, in order to raise the ethical and cultural level of the population, it would be more convenient and better to instil these qualities in the younger generation at school. For example, my nephew John, who was provided with many lessons on charity and helping unfortunate people during his study at school, has become a member or charity organization supporting senior citizens. On the other hand, there are those who advocate the point of view that schools should help people to attain their own aims. Being a leader is known to be one of the main personal skills, which may affect people in a positive way. Had people been educated at school how to surpass their peers, they could become competitive enough on the job market. For instance, in Russia, many private schools have become very popular among affluent members of society since their curriculum is aimed at raising decision-makers and leaders. In conclusion, I think the both sides of the argument have their merits. On balance, however, I am convinced that education should pay more attention to making children decent and helpful members of society since the society is a huge group of individuals who cannot exist successfully without the mutual support.
While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the main aim of education is to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
children effective
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
for the population of a country in the future, others tend to believe that education
is aimed
at satisfying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
desires to be the leaders or competitive individuals. This essay discusses both sides of the argument and then I will give my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
perspective.

On the one hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
argue that the educational system should prepare children to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
valuable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are known
to absorb and acquire any new information
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
easily
and
quickly
during their childhood.
Therefore
, in order to raise the ethical and cultural level of the population, it would be more convenient and better to
Possible spelling mistake. 'instil' is British English.
instil
these qualities in the younger generation at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
.
For example
, my nephew John, who
was provided
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
lessons on charity and helping unfortunate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
during his study at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, has
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
member
or charity organization supporting senior citizens.

On the other hand
, there are those who advocate the point of view that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to attain their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
aims. Being a leader
is known
to be one of the main personal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, which may affect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
way. Had
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
been educated
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
how to surpass their peers, they could
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
competitive
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
on the job market.
For instance
, in Russia,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
popular among affluent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
since their curriculum
is aimed
at raising decision-makers and leaders.

In conclusion
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
the both sides of the argument have their merits. On balance,
however
, I
am convinced
that education should pay more attention to making children decent and helpful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
since the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
is a huge group of individuals who cannot exist
successfully
without the mutual support.
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IELTS essay Some people believe the purpose of education should be helping the individual to become useful for society, while others believe it should help individuals to achieve their ambitions.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
303 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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