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some people believe the aim of university education is to help graduates get better jobs. others think there are much wider benefits of university education. discuss both views and give your opinion. v.22

some people believe the aim of university education is to help graduates get better jobs. others think there are much wider benefits of university education. v. 22
While a few think that the ultimate purpose of university studies is to aid individuals for getting high paid jobs, many others are of the view that, university education should deals with much broader aspects of life, and benefits individuals and society in many other ways. However, in my opinion, university education should focus not only on job prospects but also to the overall development of an individual. It is generally accepted that, high paid job alone does not make a person successful in their life. In other words, success of a person determined by many other contributing factors such as trust, leadership qualities, and cognitive thinking and reasoning which should be acquired from a university or related institutions. For instance, a person may get a high profile job based on his academic performance but the successful and long standing career in the the same institution depends on many other non academic factors and performances. The same is applicable in the existence of an individual in family and society. More over, many universities and colleges also focus on other aspects of life such as sports and arts which spreads the idea that academic subjects and high income jobs are not the only areas aim by these institutions. To add on, applicants with high performance background in extra curricular activities often get priority at the time of university admission. however, it has to be admitted that, universities should give prioroty for their graduates to get a better job which is essential for today' s competetive world and tight job markets. For example, if university education does not meet the criterias for getting better jobs, then I doubt if anyone will go for further university studies. In conclusion, eventhough I believe that, the primary goal of university education is to help graduates to better jobs, there are many other bebefits from university education for individuals and society as a whole.
While a few
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the ultimate purpose of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
studies is to aid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
for getting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
paid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
others are of the view that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
should
The verb 'should' requires the base form of the verb: "deal"
deals
with much broader aspects of life, and benefits
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
and society in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
ways.
However
, in my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
should focus not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
prospects
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
to the
overall
development of an individual.

It is
generally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
paid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
alone does not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a person successful in their life. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words, success of a person determined by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
contributing factors such as trust, leadership qualities, and cognitive thinking and reasoning which should
be acquired
from a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
or related institutions.
For instance
, a person may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
profile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
based on his academic performance
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the successful and
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
long standing
career in
Maybe you need to remove one determiner so that only "the" or "the" is left.
the the
same institution depends on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
It appears that a hyphen is missing.
non academic
factors and performances. The same is applicable in the existence of an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
in family and society.

More over,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
and colleges
also
focus on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
aspects of life such as sports and arts which spreads the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that academic subjects and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
income
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
are not the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
areas aim by these institutions. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
on, applicants with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
performance background in
This word is normally spelled as one.
extra curricular
activities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
priority at the time of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
admission.

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
however
, it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
be admitted
that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
should give
Possible spelling mistake found.
prioroty
for their graduates to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
which is essential for
Possible spelling mistake found.
today&
#039; s
Possible spelling mistake found.
competetive
world and tight
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
markets.
For example
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
does not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
the
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "criteria", the plural form of the noun 'criteria'?
criterias
for getting better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
, then I doubt if anyone will go for
further
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
studies.

In conclusion
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
eventhough
I believe that, the primary goal of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
graduates to better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
Possible spelling mistake found.
bebefits
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
and society as a whole.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
40Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
13Mistakes

IELTS essay some people believe the aim of university education is to help graduates get better jobs. others think there are much wider benefits of university education. v. 22

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
318 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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