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Some people believe the aim of university education is to help graduates get better jobs. Others believe there are much wider benefits of university education for both individuals and society. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.14

Some people believe the aim of university education is to help graduates get better jobs. Others believe there are much wider benefits of university education for both individuals and society. v. 14
Nowadays, an increasing number of people are concerned about the purpose of getting a university education. While most students think that going to university is the best way of getting a good job after graduation, some people believe that university education does much wonders for both graduates and the society. On the one hand, a university plays a critical role in training people for the workforce. It is true to state that because most specific jobs require students to have a degree from a college or university, as well as the essential knowledge related to their career fields, particularly in health care, education, aviation, and so on. In addition, there are high potential salaries for those who receive a higher education rather than others who just finish high school. Therefore, many people choose to invest in education to secure a better job. On the other hand, there are broader benefits for both society and the individual. To begin with, when attending a university, most people have to leave their hometowns for a different city where the institution is located. Living far from home will help students to deal with daily issues to adapting well in their school life, and that benefits them to be more confident and independent in society. Secondly, university graduates make contributions to the development of the country. For instance, doctors help to save people’s lives, while technologists build modern technology. Hence, universities do not only train citizens, but are also responsible for social progress. In conclusion, I believe that the main aim of university education is much wider than just improving a better job. To me, an ideal university would contribute numerously towards a better world.
Nowadays, an increasing number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are concerned
about the purpose of getting a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
. While most students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that going to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
is the best way of getting a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
job after graduation,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
does
Use "many" with countable nouns.
much
wonders for both graduates and the society.

On the one hand, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
plays a critical role in training
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
for the workforce. It is true to state that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
most specific jobs require students to have a degree from a college or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
,
as well
as the essential knowledge related to their career fields,
particularly
in health care,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
, aviation, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.
In addition
, there are high potential salaries for those who receive a higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
rather
than others who
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
finish high school.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
choose to invest in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
to secure a better job.

On the other hand
, there are broader benefits for both society and the individual. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, when attending a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
, most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
their hometowns for a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
city where the institution
is located
. Living far from home will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
students to deal with daily issues to adapting well in their school life, and that benefits them to be more confident and independent in society.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
graduates
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
contributions to the development of the country.
For instance
, doctors
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to save
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
, while technologists build modern technology.
Hence
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
train citizens,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
are
also
responsible for social progress.

In conclusion
, I believe that the main aim of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is much wider than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
improving a better job. To me, an ideal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
would contribute
numerously
towards a better world.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe the aim of university education is to help graduates get better jobs. Others believe there are much wider benefits of university education for both individuals and society. v. 14

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
280 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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