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Some people believe the aim of university education is to help graduates get better jobs. Others believe there are much wider benefits of university education for both individuals and society. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.10

People are divided in their opinion about university education and its benefits. In my opinion, university education will not nearly help an individual acquire a better job but also it will have a great impact on both pupil and the community. Nowadays, academic education from a university has become crucial in order to get a better job in the competitive world. Firstly, due to spike in population and with the limited jobs available in the market it is essential to get a university education to have a secured job. Secondly, university education emphasis to furnish in-depth knowledge that facilitates to crack the interview. Finally, a person having a university education will be more knowledgeable compared to a non-university education. To illustrate, if a student is graduated from a university will be considered on the topmost priority to get an offer letter from a potential employer rather than a person whose education is from an unrecognised institution. Although, a university education assist to get a good job but also provide other merits to both individual and society. An individual can aim for higher education and achieve their desired goals. Furthermore, they can help their children to shape their career as they had already experienced the challenges while building their own career. Moreover, it is also an advantageous to the society as their education will support them in case of an exigency. To demonstrate, a student who had accomplish his education in the medical science can be helpful to their neighbours in case of a medical emergency. To conclude, university education have multiple benefits which not only help in getting a secured job but also bring fulfilment to individual and society.
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People
are divided
in their opinion about
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university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
and its benefits. In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
will not
nearly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
an
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individual
acquire a better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
it will have a great impact on both pupil and the community.

Nowadays, academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
from a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
has become crucial in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
in the competitive world.
Firstly
, due to spike in population and with the limited
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
available in the market it is essential to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
to have a secured
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job
.
Secondly
,
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university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
emphasis to furnish in-depth knowledge that facilitates to crack the interview.
Finally
, a person having a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
will be more knowledgeable compared to a non-university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
. To illustrate, if a student
is graduated
from a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
will
be considered
on the topmost priority to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
an offer letter from a potential employer
rather
than a person whose
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is from an
Possible spelling mistake. 'unrecognised' is British English.
unrecognised
institution.

Although, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
assist to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
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job
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
provide other merits to both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
and society. An
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
can aim for higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
and achieve their desired goals.
Furthermore
, they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
their children to shape their career as they had already experienced the challenges while building their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
career.
Moreover
, it is
also
an advantageous to the society as their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
will support them in case of an exigency. To demonstrate, a student who had
Possible agreement error -- use past participle here: "accomplished".
accomplish
his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
in the medical science can be helpful to their
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbours' is British English.
neighbours
in case of a medical emergency.

To conclude
,
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university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
have multiple benefits which not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in getting a secured
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
bring
Possible spelling mistake. 'fulfilment' is British English.
fulfilment
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
and society.
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The joy of knowing a foreign language is inexpressible. I find it really difficult to express such joy in my mother tongue.
Munia Khan

IELTS essay Some people believe the aim of university education is to help graduates get better jobs. Others believe there are much wider benefits of university education for both individuals and society.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
279 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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