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Some people believe that zoos have no useful purpose and hence they should be banned. What is your opinion?

Some people believe that zoos have no useful purpose and hence they should be banned. What is your opinion? Vljgw
People across the world have been talking about the purpose of zoos being useless. Moreover some people suggest that decision makers should ban zoos. I completely agree with these statements and views and this essay is going to elaborate the disadvantages and banning of zoos. Most importantly, animals will enjoy their life and freedom only in the forest, but in zoos we are shuttering them in the cage like slaves. Even though they have only five senses, it’s our duty to make them live happily like our own child. Although there is no useful purpose of having zoos, it is built mostly for tourist purposes. In today’s world, humans have many other entertainment programs, so it is good to release them in their own house. What’s more, the recent study confirming, many zoos are not providing proper food and shelter, it’s really a tough situation for those animals. For example: In 2019, statistics showed many lions, elephants died in zoos due to lack of maintenance. Additionally, they are unable to live their happy life in zoos, so they are finding some other way to escape from that cage, so some people lost their valuable life due to this cause. So I think it is a good idea to ban zoos, and leave them freely in the forest. The researchers also confirmed that the count of rare species are decreasing day by day, so if this ban takes place, we can achieve our animal wealth and also we can protect forests as well. For example: In the Netherlands, one of the birds forgot to fly when it was released from the zoo. To reiterate, animals can live freely, independently when they live in the forest. Hence, it's about time that policy makers need to ban zoos all over the world.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
across the world have been talking about the purpose of zoos being useless.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Moreover
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
suggest that decision makers should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ban
zoos. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with these statements and views and this essay is going to elaborate the disadvantages and banning of zoos.

Most
importantly
, animals will enjoy their life and freedom
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
forest
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in zoos we are shuttering them in the cage like slaves.
Even though
they have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
five senses, it’s our duty to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
happily
like our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
child. Although there is no useful purpose of having zoos, it
is built
mostly
for tourist purposes. In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s world, humans have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
other entertainment programs,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
to release them in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
. What’s more, the recent study confirming,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
zoos are not providing proper food and shelter, it’s
really
a tough situation for those animals.

For example
: In 2019, statistics
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
lions, elephants
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
died
in zoos due to lack of maintenance.

Additionally
, they are unable to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
their happy life in zoos,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they are finding
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
other way to escape from that cage,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
lost their valuable life due to this cause.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ban
zoos, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
them
freely
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
forest
. The researchers
also
confirmed that the count of rare species are decreasing day by day,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
if this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ban
takes place, we can achieve our animal wealth and
also
we can protect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
forests
as well
.

For example
: In the Netherlands, one of the birds forgot to
fly
when it
was released
from the zoo.

To reiterate, animals can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
freely
,
independently
when they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
forest
.
Hence
, it's about time that
This expression is normally spelled as one or with hyphen.
policy makers
need to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ban
zoos all over the world.
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IELTS essay Some people believe that zoos have no useful purpose and hence they should be banned. What is your opinion?

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
299 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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