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Should teachers, doctors and nurses should be paid more than celebrities and sports persons

Should teachers, doctors and nurses should be paid more than celebrities and sports persons Kn1e9
It's irrefutable that teachers, doctors, nurses, sports celebrities play an important role in healthcare, education, and entertainment. Everyone is serving society in their own ways. Teachers educate the individuals and future generations of the nation. Doctors and nurses treat patients and save lives.  india is a open market, everyone is paid according to demand and supply.  if we increase the salary of teachers and doctors, there are lakhs of doctors and teachers working in india. That Will put a huge burdon indian govt. expenditure. increased salary means increased cost of healthcare and education. best teachers and doctors are still earning handsome. barring few famous celecberities, sports celebrities are earning a lot less.
It's irrefutable that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctors
, nurses, sports celebrities play an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in healthcare, education, and entertainment. Everyone is serving society in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
ways.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Teachers
educate the individuals and future generations of the nation.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Doctors
and nurses treat patients and save
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.  
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
india
is
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
open market, everyone
is paid
according to demand and supply.  
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
if
we increase the salary of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctors
, there are lakhs of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctors
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
working in
Possible spelling mistake found.
india
. That Will put a huge
Possible spelling mistake found.
burdon
Possible spelling mistake found.
indian
govt. expenditure.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
increased
salary means increased cost of healthcare and education.
A determiner is probably missing here: "the best".
best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctors
are
still
earning handsome.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
barring
few
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
Possible spelling mistake found.
celecberities
, sports celebrities are earning a lot less.

IELTS essay Should teachers, doctors and nurses should be paid more than celebrities and sports persons

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
112 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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