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Some people believe that young people should be encouraged to hold important position in organizations. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

Some people believe that young people should be encouraged to hold important position in organizations. VQ1WJ
It is claimed that organizations should give juveniles chances in vital positions. From my perspective, I totally agree with this idea. My essay will give reasons why I am convinced. On the one hand, there are some main reasons to support the given view. One primary reason is that companies which put juveniles in high positions probably have competitive advantages. It is trendy because young people frequently have a creative and open mind so it can be an innovation of organizations to overcome enemies. For example, a large number of technology giants have been employing talented juveniles for holding crucial positions such as CEO, CFO and general manager. In addition, the working environment where youngsters occupy probably becomes youthful and dynamic. This plays a crucial role in boosting productivity and in terms of work quality. On the contrary, if companies do not hire youngsters to essential positions, they probably miss chances to achieve a breakthrough because it is hard for older people to be as creative and adventurous as young people. For one thing, married people are responsible for raising their families. They have a demand for a stable income so they cannot try new things, which has detrimental influence to companies’ development. Furthermore, there are likely to have brain drain phenomena as a result from talented juveniles do not have significant advantages. Organizations and enterprises are key factors of the national economy. If these companies do not treat juveniles very well, the local economy probably declines, leading to social disorder. In conclusion, I suppose that organizations should grasp opportunities that retaining youngsters by giving them high positions. It acquires plenty of benefits to not only the company’s development but also the local economy.
It
is claimed
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
organizations
should give
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
juveniles
chances in vital
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positions
. From my perspective, I
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
. My essay will give reasons why I
am convinced
.

On the one hand, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
main reasons to support the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
view. One primary reason is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
which put
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
juveniles
in high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positions
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
probably
have competitive advantages. It is trendy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
frequently
have a creative and open mind
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it can be an innovation of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
organizations
to overcome enemies.
For example
,
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
technology giants have been employing talented
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
juveniles
for holding crucial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positions
such as CEO, CFO and general manager.
In addition
, the working environment where youngsters occupy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
probably
becomes youthful and dynamic. This plays a crucial role in boosting productivity and in terms of work quality.

On the contrary
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
do not hire youngsters to essential
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positions
, they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
probably
miss chances to achieve a breakthrough
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
for older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to be as creative and adventurous as young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. For one thing, married
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are responsible for raising their families. They have a demand for a stable income
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they cannot try new things, which has detrimental influence to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies’
development.
Furthermore
, there are likely to have brain drain phenomena
as a result
from talented
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
juveniles
do not have significant advantages.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Organizations
and enterprises are key factors of the national economy. If these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
do not treat
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
juveniles
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
well, the local economy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
probably
declines, leading to social disorder.

In conclusion
, I suppose that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
organizations
should grasp opportunities that retaining youngsters by giving them high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positions
. It acquires
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of benefits to not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company’s
development
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
the local economy.
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IELTS essay Some people believe that young people should be encouraged to hold important position in organizations.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
284 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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