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Many people believe that children should take part in organized activites after their school hours. Others disagree and think they should be free to do what ever they want ?

Many people believe that children should take part in organized activites after their school hours. Others disagree and think they should be free to do what ever they want? Or137
Nowadays, it is thought by many people that children should join in extracurricular activities after their studying hours, while others assert that they should be able to whatever they want. In this essay, I will provide reasonings / analyze both viewpoints before giving my own perspective. On the one hand, there are several benefits of joining in organized activities for students. The first benefit is enhancing some soft skills of children such as communication, negotiation or problem solving. These skills help them a lot in improving themselves and getting out of their comfort zone. For example, a shy and introvert child can change positively through some courses of organized activities, they can get team-work capabilities thanks to interact with other children and therefore they become more confident and sociable. Besides soft skills, children can study discipline and acquire useful knowledge by the quality of the activities. These activities are safe and suitable for children because they will be taught by skilled teachers which helps children stay away from bad things. On the other hand, being free to choose what to do also have its own positive effects on children. In the first place, this help children learn responsibility for what they do as well as for themselves. When children are responsible, they become more mature and stronger, which makes them no longer depend on people around. The freedom of choices makes children have to be careful with what they do because if they are wrong, there will be consequences. Another merit which is worth mentioning is the comfort in their mind. Children will feel enjoyable and interested in what they want than being imposed by parents. When children are free to do what they like, they can do efficiently and have mental health, which many imposed children do not have. In conclusion, both options have their merits and can be explained. In my point of view, children should be able to do anything which they want, including their hobbies since it helps them unwind and find new passions.
Nowadays, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
in extracurricular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
after their studying hours, while others assert that they should be able to whatever they want. In this essay, I will provide
Possible spelling mistake found.
reasonings
/ analyze both viewpoints
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
giving my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
perspective.

On the one hand, there are several benefits of joining in organized
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
for students. The
first
benefit is enhancing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
soft
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
such as communication, negotiation or problem solving. These
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them a lot in improving themselves and getting out of their comfort zone.
For example
, a shy and introvert child can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
positively
through
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
courses of organized
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
, they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
team-work capabilities thanks to interact with other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and
therefore
they become more confident and sociable.
Besides
soft
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can study discipline and acquire useful knowledge by the quality of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
are safe and suitable for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they will
be taught
by skilled teachers which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
stay away from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
things.

On the other hand
, being free to choose what to do
also
have its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effects on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. In the
first
place, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
learn responsibility for what they do
as well
as for themselves. When
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are responsible, they become more mature and stronger, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them no longer depend on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
around. The freedom of choices
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be careful with what they do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
if they are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
, there will be consequences. Another merit which is worth mentioning is the comfort in their mind.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
will feel enjoyable and interested in what they want than
being imposed
by parents. When
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are free to do what they like, they can do
efficiently
and have mental health, which
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
imposed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
do not have.

In conclusion
, both options have their merits and can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explained
. In my point of view,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should be able to do anything which they want, including their hobbies since it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
them unwind and find new passions.
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IELTS essay Many people believe that children should take part in organized activites after their school hours. Others disagree and think they should be free to do what ever they want?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
338 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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