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With The Increasing Use And Development Of New Technology, Many Machine Are New Able To Do The Work Which People Used To Perform. What Are The Advantages And Disadvantages Of This Trend? v.1

With The Increasing Use And Development Of New Technology, Many Machine Are New Able To Do The Work Which People Used To Perform. What Are The Advantages And Disadvantages Of This Trend? v. 1
In the 21st century the development of technology has grown significantly and a lot of machines have been produced. This essay will discuss the major benefits and drawbacks of using new technologies. The two main advantages of using and developing machines are reducing the hard work and new types of jobs. Firstly, the occupations that require hard job and can damage the health, could be replaced by robots. This way, people can't concern about their health system. Secondly, these technologies must be controlled by someone, thereby it will be a great number of new professions that must repair and control these machines. For example, if the artificial intelligence was in the car, there should be someone who would be able to program this system and make some changes. However, technologies have some disadvantages like losing jobs and using it in warfare goals. The large number of people work in plants, shops, manufactures and most of them do not have a high salary. Because of it, they can be easily replaced by machines and lose their jobs. People will be worried, but in terms of money and manufacturing it will be plus for companies. What's more, technology can be used as a weapon and make a combat between countries. Nowadays, every strong country put forth an effort into developing new technologies in order to be prepared for war. For instance, the USA is a leader in strike technologies and it increases a strain between countries and respectively, others do not want to be last. In conclusion, although technologies have positive sides like reducing hard-work and producing new occupations, they also have some bad aspects as losing a job and helping in the war. Therefore, a new technology could be a great benefit for us or the major problem.
In the 21st century the development of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has grown
significantly
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machines
have
been produced
. This essay will discuss the major benefits and drawbacks of using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
technologies.

The two main advantages of using and developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machines
are reducing the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
.
Firstly
, the occupations that require
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
and can damage the health, could
be replaced
by robots. This way,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can't concern about their health system.
Secondly
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be controlled
by someone, thereby it will be a great number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
professions that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
repair and control these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machines
.
For example
, if the artificial intelligence was in the car, there should be someone who would be able to program this system and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
.

However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disadvantages like losing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
and using it in warfare goals. The large number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
work in plants, shops, manufactures and most of them do not have a high salary.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of it, they can be
easily
replaced by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machines
and lose their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
will
be worried
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in terms of money and manufacturing it will be plus for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
. What's more,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
as a weapon and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a combat between countries. Nowadays, every strong country put forth an effort into developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
in order to
be prepared
for war.
For instance
, the USA is a leader in strike
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
and it increases a strain between countries and
respectively
, others do not want to be last.

In conclusion
, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
sides like reducing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
-work and producing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
occupations, they
also
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
aspects as losing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
and helping in the war.
Therefore
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
could be a great benefit for us or the major problem.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes
Change your language and you change your thoughts.
Karl Albrecht

IELTS essay With The Increasing Use And Development Of New Technology, Many Machine Are New Able To Do The Work Which People Used To Perform. What Are The Advantages And Disadvantages Of This Trend? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
297 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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