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Some people believe that young people bring more profits to a company. Others say that older people actually bring more profits. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.6

Some people believe that young people bring more profits to a company. Others say that older people actually bring more profits. v. 6
people are employed for the value-maximization of a company. young people are thought to be ensuring healthy cash inflow using their physical stamina, but then again, experienced staff work strategically increase a firm' s wealth. From my point of view, both of these groups have their unique ways of making corporate-profit. Young personnel retain the capability to deliver hard-labor in workplace. In other words, many jobs require physical dedication to perform tasks, so physical-fitness is of prime importance. As employees between the age of 18-45 are historically physically strong, only they are the perfect-fit for such responsibilities. Almost 90% of workers of sales profession, for example, has the average age of 32 according to the International business Journal 2012. In response of that statistics, CEO of a large multinational said that as sales-force has to continuously roam among different places to secure increasing sales-trend, youth do better job in this arena. In business, areas, requiring high-stamina operators, shall be managed by young people to get splendid results. Employees, who recently found themselves out of youth-league, play vital roles in bringing money in a company as well. Despite their comparatively low-stamina, these group of staff retain the experience to run operation. A business organization simultaneously require strategic plans to solve problems as well as ensure new opportunities. For instance, leading the marketing wing for a product requires a person' s vision to plan and execute successful marketing of a commodity followed by high-volume sales. Talking about experience, a person gathers it throuout his life. In most cases, experienced people, unable to deliver hard-labor, act as key-persons to maximize profits. To conclude, workforce comprises of both young people and old people. For the profit maximization of a firm, the hard-work of an young employee, as well as the experience of the aged employee are essential as the combination of these two groups complement each-other.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
people
are employed
for the value-maximization of a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
to be ensuring healthy cash inflow using their physical stamina,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
then again, experienced staff work
strategically
increase a
Possible spelling mistake found.
firm&
#039; s wealth. From my point of view, both of these groups have their unique ways of making corporate-profit.

Young personnel retain the capability to deliver
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
-labor in workplace.
In other words
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
jobs require physical dedication to perform tasks,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
physical-fitness is of prime importance. As employees between the age of 18-45 are
historically
physically
strong,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
they are the perfect-fit for such responsibilities. Almost 90% of workers of sales profession,
for example
, has the average age of 32 according to the International business Journal 2012. In response of that statistics, CEO of a large multinational said that as sales-force
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
continuously
roam among
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
places to secure increasing sales-trend, youth do better job in this arena. In business, areas, requiring high-stamina operators, shall
be managed
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
splendid results.

Employees, who recently found themselves out of youth-league, play vital roles in bringing money in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
as well
. Despite their
comparatively
low-stamina, these group of staff retain the experience to run operation. A business organization
simultaneously
require strategic plans to solve problems
as well
as ensure new opportunities.
For instance
, leading the marketing wing for a product requires a
Possible spelling mistake found.
person&
#039; s vision to plan and execute successful marketing of a commodity followed by high-volume sales. Talking about experience, a person gathers it
Possible spelling mistake found.
throuout
his life.
In most cases
, experienced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, unable to deliver
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
-labor, act as key-persons to maximize profits.

To conclude
, workforce
Did you mean "comprises" or "consists of"?
comprises of
both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. For the profit maximization of a firm, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
-work of
Use "a" instead of 'an' if the following word doesn't start with a vowel sound, e.g. 'a sentence', 'a university'
an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
employee,
as well
as the experience of the aged employee are essential as the combination of these two groups complement each-other.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
10Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that young people bring more profits to a company. Others say that older people actually bring more profits. v. 6

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
312 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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