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Some people believe that young people bring more profits to a company. Others say that older people actually bring more profits. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.2

Some people believe that young people bring more profits to a company. Others say that older people actually bring more profits. v. 2
While, certain individuals opine that younger generations helps to earn more profits for a corporation, others feel that elderlies in fact, are the major reason for a firm profit generation. This essay will discuss both views and further, support the argument that by employing more of young individuals will help in making huge gains as they bring in a new perspective and enthusiasm in the organisations, followed by a reasoned conclusion It is clear that the young people contribute more towards producing greater profits for a company. This is to say, younger workforces are more active and creative in performing their duties, thus, complete all the tasks and projects with greater efficiency and effectiveness. As a result, the organisation will not only increase their profits, but also to become global market leaders. To exemplify, a recent study by The Times showed that 80 percent of the management prefers younger employees as they help in generating massive profits of the organisation by bringing in new ideas and working with great enthusiasm. However, some believe in the notion that aged employees are beneficial for the firm as they have invaluable experience and proficiency. They can contribute this knowledge in boosting the productivity and profitability of the firm. As a consequence, the company will be able to generate long term profits. To elucidate, a recent study done by The Times showed that most successful organisations had a large portion of their workforce working for them for at least 15 years. To conclude, while the benefits of hiring younger staff help in completing projects with efficaciously, some believe that older people help the organization's growth with their unlimited knowledge and expertise. However, In my opinion, I vehemently agree that company in order to expand their profit margins should hire younger employees because of their creative ability and passion in performing tasks.
While, certain individuals opine that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
younger
generations
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
to earn more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
profits
for a corporation, others feel that
Possible spelling mistake found.
elderlies
in fact, are the major reason for a firm
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
profit
generation. This essay will discuss both views and
further
, support the argument that by employing more of young individuals will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
in making huge gains as they bring
The usual preposition for "perspective" is "from" not "in." "from a new perspective".
in a new perspective
and enthusiasm in the
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisations' is British English.
organisations
, followed by a reasoned
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
conclusion


It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that the young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
contribute more towards producing greater
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
profits
for a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
. This is to say,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
younger
Possible spelling mistake found.
workforces
are more active and creative in performing their duties,
thus
, complete all the tasks and projects with greater efficiency and effectiveness.
As a result
, the
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
increase their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
profits
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
to become global market leaders. To exemplify, a recent study by The Times
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that 80 percent of the management prefers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
younger
employees as they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
in generating massive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
profits
of the
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
by bringing in new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
and working with great enthusiasm.

However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
believe in the notion that aged employees are beneficial for the firm as they have invaluable experience and proficiency. They can contribute this knowledge in boosting the productivity and profitability of the firm. As a consequence, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
will be able to generate long term
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
profits
. To elucidate, a recent study done by The Times
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that most successful
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisations' is British English.
organisations
had a large portion of their workforce working for them for at least 15 years.

To conclude
, while the benefits of hiring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
younger
staff
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
in completing projects with
efficaciously
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
believe that older
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
the
Do not mix variants of the same word ('organization' and 'organisation') within a single text.
organization
's growth with their unlimited knowledge and expertise.
However
, In my opinion, I
vehemently
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
in order to expand their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
profit
margins should hire
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
younger
employees
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their creative ability and passion in performing tasks.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that young people bring more profits to a company. Others say that older people actually bring more profits. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
307 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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