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Some people believe that young people bring more profits to a company. Others say that older people actually bring more profits. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.5

Some people believe that young people bring more profits to a company. Others say that older people actually bring more profits. v. 5
Nowadays, people love to view different shows and films on television and in theatre respectively. However, they are more interested in seeing crime programmes than regular ones. In my opinion, they see it because these are more entertaining and it creates awareness among the masses about different dangers in society. To begin with, individuals show a great interest in watching offensive content because it fascinates them more than the drama shows and these are based on the real-life stories of the people. For instance, there is a popular crime show which is telecasted on the Sony channel. In this programme, they broadcast the real stories of misdeeds that happened with the people in the past and it thrills the folks. Consequently, the TRP of the show is way more than the other drama shows telecasted at the same time on different channels. Hence, offensive appearances are more admired by individuals. Moreover, it has a positive impact on the community because it alerts them from various dangers present in society such as kidnapping, molestation and murders. Also, it tells them about numerous laws that are there in the constitution to protect them against these heinous crimes. For instance, there is a movie called Singham, released a year ago and in this movie, they explained how to tackle the situation if there is any misdeed happened with them. It was the super hit film at that time. Thus, it is apparent that it brings a positive change in society. To summarize, crime programmes are the most popular among individuals due to its ability to engage people and it also has a good impact on humankind as these are more knowledgeable than the drama shows. Nevertheless, more shows and films in this genre should be made.
Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
to view
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shows
and films on television and in
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatre' is British English.
theatre
respectively
.
However
, they are more interested in seeing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
than regular ones. In my opinion, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
these are more entertaining and it creates awareness among the masses about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
dangers
in society.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, individuals
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
show
a great interest in watching offensive content
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it fascinates them more than the drama
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shows
and these
are based
on the real-life stories of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
For instance
, there is a popular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
show
which is
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "telecast", the past tense form of the verb 'telecast'?
telecasted
on the Sony channel. In this
Possible spelling mistake. 'programme' is British English.
programme
, they broadcast the real stories of misdeeds that happened with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the past and it thrills the folks.
Consequently
, the TRP of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
show
is way more than the other drama
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shows
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "telecast", the past tense form of the verb 'telecast'?
telecasted
at the same time on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
channels.
Hence
, offensive appearances are more admired by individuals.

Moreover
, it has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact on the community
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it alerts them from various
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
dangers
present in society such as kidnapping, molestation and murders.
Also
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tells
them about numerous laws that are there in the constitution to protect them against these heinous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
.
For instance
, there is a movie called
Possible spelling mistake found.
Singham
, released a year ago and in this movie, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explained
how to tackle the situation if there is any misdeed happened
The verb 'happen' usually requires the preposition "to".
with
them. It was the
Make sure that the adjective 'super' is correct. Possibly, it should be an adverb (typically ~ly) that modifies 'hit'. Possibly, it should be the first word in a compound adjective (hyphenated adjective). Possibly, it is correct.
super hit
film at that time.
Thus
, it is apparent that it brings a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in society.

To summarize
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
are the most popular among individuals due to its ability to engage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and it
also
has a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
impact on humankind as these are more knowledgeable than the drama
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shows
.
Nevertheless
, more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shows
and films in this genre should
be made
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
If we spoke a different language, we would perceive a somewhat different world.
Ludwig Wittgenstein

IELTS essay Some people believe that young people bring more profits to a company. Others say that older people actually bring more profits. v. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
293 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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