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For schoolchildren, their teachers have more influence on their intelligence and social development than their parents. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

For schoolchildren, their teachers have more influence on their intelligence and social development than their parents. v. 1
Both teachers and parents play a significant role in a child’s upbringing. In this essay, I will discuss why I disagree that teachers are a greater influence on the intelligence and social development of children than their parents. The first few years of a child’s life are spent almost entirely in the company of their parental figures. These years are critical in the social development of a child, as they contain their first attempts to communicate with other people in order to receive the care and attention necessary for survival. Most school children start their education between the ages of four to seven years. Therefore, they have already experienced a considerable amount of parental influence before teachers are even introduced to them. Other significant factors in the intelligence and social development of a child are the socioeconomic circumstances that they are brought up in. The quality of a child’s social life, schooling and health are all socioeconomic factors that heavily influence a child. These factors are a direct consequence of the circumstances brought about by the child’s parents. Better teachers will endow a child with greater intelligence and social skills, however, better teachers are, on average, found at better schools. The attendance of a child at a good school is usually the consequence of a decision made by their parents. I believe that parents are a far greater influence on the intelligence and social development of children than teachers because, firstly, the early developmental years of a child’s life are almost entirely influenced by the company of their parents and, secondly, because the socioeconomic factors of a child’s life are usually a direct consequence of the factors which effect their parents.
Both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
play a significant role in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child’s
upbringing. In this essay, I will discuss why I disagree that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
are a greater
The word 'influence' contains a ligature (joined letters). Modern English does not usually use ligatures. A ligature in a word causes a spelling error. If the word is an English word, write it with standard characters.
influence
on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
intelligence
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
of children than their parents.

The
first
few years of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
are spent
almost
entirely
in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
of their parental figures. These years are critical in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
, as they contain their
first
attempts to communicate with other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in order to receive the care and attention necessary for survival. Most school children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
their education between the ages of four to seven years.
Therefore
, they have already experienced a considerable amount of parental
The word 'influence' contains a ligature (joined letters). Modern English does not usually use ligatures. A ligature in a word causes a spelling error. If the word is an English word, write it with standard characters.
influence
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
are even introduced to them.

Other significant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factors
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
intelligence
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
are the socioeconomic circumstances that they
are brought
up in. The quality of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, schooling and health are all socioeconomic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factors
that
heavily
The word 'influence' contains a ligature (joined letters). Modern English does not usually use ligatures. A ligature in a word causes a spelling error. If the word is an English word, write it with standard characters.
influence
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factors
are a direct consequence of the circumstances brought about by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
. Better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
will endow a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
with greater
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
intelligence
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
,
however
, better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
are, on average, found at better schools. The attendance of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
at a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
school is
usually
the consequence of a decision made by their parents.

I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are a far greater
The word 'influence' contains a ligature (joined letters). Modern English does not usually use ligatures. A ligature in a word causes a spelling error. If the word is an English word, write it with standard characters.
influence
on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
intelligence
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
of children than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
,
firstly
, the early developmental years of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
are almost
entirely
The word 'influenced' contains a ligature (joined letters). Modern English does not usually use ligatures. A ligature in a word causes a spelling error. If the word is an English word, write it with standard characters.
influenced
by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and,
secondly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the socioeconomic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factors
of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
are
usually
a direct consequence of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factors
which
The word 'effect' contains a ligature (joined letters). Modern English does not usually use ligatures. A ligature in a word causes a spelling error. If the word is an English word, write it with standard characters.
effect
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
45Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes

IELTS essay For schoolchildren, their teachers have more influence on their intelligence and social development than their parents. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
281 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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