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Some people believe that violence on television and in computer games has a damaging effect on the society. Others deny that these factors have any significant influence on people's behaviour. What is your opinion?

Some people believe that violence on television and in computer games has a damaging effect on the society. Others deny that these factors have any significant influence on people's behaviour. What is your opinion? pyla
Nowadays many people consider on that violence on television and in computer games has a terrible effect on the society. And others conversly reckon thet it has not significant influence on the society. Firstle I guess intelligent people hane never seen violence in the internet. Because they just do not interests with it. I reckon they prefer to watch interestinf shows or to learn something new there. But it was 5-10 years ago, when in the internet you could find only people between 18-45 years. And now you can meet there also children which can not distinguish good from bad, and unfortunely can stumble upon awful things. Such as violence, pornography etc. I do think that it will have influence and affects to children with the bad side. For the reason that watching violence in the virtual world teach them to normalize abnormal and merciless actions in real life. We especially persons between 7-15 years old grow with it. Ans possibility of that they will grow as aggressive people is big, I'd even say huge. For instance, in 2017 was a terrible game named as "Siniy kit". On this app teenagers stumble upon with abnormal adults, which forced them to do siucide. Due to this awful game a lot of teenagers had died. They had to do it, poor teenagers threatened. Taking everything into consederation, I would say that violence in the virtual world has got the most terrible concequences. And about it we have to reduce it and share only with useful things which will have only good consequences.
Nowadays
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
consider on that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
on television and in computer games has a terrible effect on the society.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
And others
Possible spelling mistake found.
conversly
reckon
Possible spelling mistake found.
thet it
has not significant influence on the society.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Firstle
I guess intelligent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
Possible spelling mistake found.
hane
never
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
The usual collocation for technology is "on," not "in." It is better to say this: "on the internet".
in the internet
.
“Because” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Because
they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
do not
After the auxiliary verb 'do', use the base form of a verb. Did you mean "interest"?
interests
with it. I reckon they prefer to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
Possible spelling mistake found.
interestinf
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
or to learn something new there.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
it was 5-10 years ago, when
The usual collocation for technology is "on," not "in." It is better to say this: "on the internet".
in the internet
you could find
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
between 18-45 years. And
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
you can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
there
also
children which can not distinguish
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
, and
Possible spelling mistake found.
unfortunely
can stumble upon awful things. Such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
, pornography etc. I do
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it will have influence and affects to children with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
side. For the reason that watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
in the virtual world teach them to normalize abnormal and merciless actions in real life. We
A verb is probably missing after 'especially'.
especially persons
between 7-15 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
grow with it. Ans possibility of that they will grow as aggressive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
, I'd even say huge.
For instance
, in 2017 was a terrible game named as
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
Possible spelling mistake found.
Siniy
kit
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
. On this app
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
stumble upon with abnormal adults, which forced them to do
Possible spelling mistake found.
siucide
. Due to this awful game
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
had
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
died
. They had to do it, poor
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
threatened. Taking everything into
Possible spelling mistake found.
consederation
, I would say that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
in the virtual world has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
the most terrible
Possible spelling mistake found.
concequences
. And about
Consider adding a comma here.
it
we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
it and share
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
with useful things which will have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
consequences.
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IELTS essay Some people believe that violence on television and in computer games has a damaging effect on the society. Others deny that these factors have any significant influence on people's behaviour. What is your opinion?

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
260 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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