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IELTS ESSAY: Some people believe that there are many reasons that can motivate a person to keep working for the same company whereas others say that money is the main reason. Do you agree or disagree

IELTS ESSAY: Some people believe that there are many reasons that can motivate a person to keep working for the same company whereas others say that money is the main reason. qElD
It is observed since couple of decades that average continuous job duration of an individual for a firm has been reduced noticeably. There are several factors affecting this change. While money plays a prime role to enhance an employee’s continuity for same organisation, certain other factors as location, shift timings, work environment and legal policies shall not be overlooked. I hereby put forth my views below that supports the described ideology. Firstly, we will move towards merits of getting a good paycheck. It gives an immense good feeling when one sees a big amount of currency in his paystubs. A good bank balance improvises status and standards of livelihood. Nothing can replace money to gain leisure and luxury. These all enhances people’s attitude towards work and maintains continuity of functioning at same pace and place for high durations. It is very well said by a wise personality that “Money can be one, but not the only one to buy happiness”. To be clearer about the saying, it is said that money can buy comfort and lavishness that pleases a person; which results in indirect positivity that leads to continue working at same place for a long tenure. However, one’s paycheck shall not be the only key factor resulting to this attitude. Imagine a work place where individual gets highly paid but doesn’t gets work satisfaction at all or the work place has very negative approach towards executives. In such kind of scenario, contributor is perhaps forced to move on and switch to another firm that fulfills his moral requirements as well. Also, consider an organization that gives comparatively less amount of pay scale but provides allowances for commute, medical purposes, flexible shifts and scholarship options if an employee wants to continue studying in correspondence. In this case, an individual will without any doubt opt for serving company in best possible manner and for high intervals. Keeping every aspect in to a nutshell, it is as clear as crystal that a good amount of salary as well as plethora of factors termed as work culture, shift timings, location and legal policies do play a vital role to maintain the momentum of individual’s serving towards one specific firm for longer tenures.
It
is observed
since
It seems that an article is missing.
couple of
decades that average continuous job duration of an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
for a firm has been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
noticeably
. There are several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factors
affecting this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
. While
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
plays a prime role to enhance an employee’s continuity for same
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
, certain other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factors
as location, shift timings,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
environment and legal policies shall not
be overlooked
. I hereby put forth my views below that supports the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
described
ideology.

Firstly
, we will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
towards merits of getting a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
paycheck. It gives an immense
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
feeling when one
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sees
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
amount of currency in his
Possible spelling mistake found.
paystubs
. A
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
bank balance improvises status and standards of livelihood. Nothing can replace
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to gain leisure and luxury. These all enhances
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s attitude towards
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and maintains continuity of functioning at same pace and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
for high durations.

It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
well said by a wise personality that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
“Money
can be one,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
one to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
happiness”. To be clearer about the saying, it
is said
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
comfort and lavishness that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
pleases
a person; which results in indirect positivity that leads to continue working at same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
for a long tenure.
However
, one’s paycheck shall not be the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
key
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factor
resulting to this attitude. Imagine a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
highly
paid
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
doesn’t
The verb 'doesn't' requires base form of this verb: "get"
gets
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
satisfaction at all or the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
approach towards executives. In such kind of scenario, contributor is perhaps forced to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
on and switch to another firm that fulfills his moral requirements
as well
.
Also
, consider an
Do not mix variants of the same word ('organization' and 'organisation') within a single text.
organization
that gives
comparatively
less amount of pay scale
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
provides allowances for commute, medical purposes, flexible shifts and scholarship options if an employee wants to continue studying in correspondence.
In this case
, an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
will without any doubt opt for serving
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
A determiner is probably missing here: "in the best".
in best
possible manner and for high intervals.

Keeping every aspect in to a nutshell, it is as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
as crystal that a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
amount of salary
as well
as plethora of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factors
termed as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
culture, shift timings, location and legal policies do play a vital role to maintain the momentum of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual’s
serving towards one specific firm for longer tenures.
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IELTS essay IELTS ESSAY: Some people believe that there are many reasons that can motivate a person to keep working for the same company whereas others say that money is the main reason.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
369 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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