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Nowadays more and more women choose to work full-time. Is it a positive or negative development?

Nowadays more and more women choose to work full-time. Is it a positive or negative development? Jg8w
Today, many of females are liable to work in full-time jobs. While there is one benefit of this tendency, I do believe that this can lead to some drawbacks in their home life and health conditions. Admittedly, women who are single do not depend on anyone by work like this, meaning that today, some of people consider females to do not do anything without men’s help. This can illustrate women’s power. If a number of choosing full-time work of women increase, gender gap will decrease gradually. Therefore, this circumstance will help women to overcome certain obstacles. However, I think that this choice can create some family problems and this result in controversy between men and women. Because females are not robot and some house works can not be done when women work in full-time employment. For example, women do not have enough time in order to cook a meal because of work. In the final of day, men can have bad temper due to this situation and this will cause conflict. Therefore, Even these things can lead to divorce due to conflict. Secondly, women are elegant, that is why, sometimes their physical conditions do not become appropriate for full-time work. Unfortunately, this can cause some diseases on females, if they particularly work in too much stressful work atmosphere. Thus, so much stress and pressure make them feel ill and also can influence their mental senses. In conclusion, even though this tendency decrease gender distinction, there are more negative effect on them, such as family and health problems.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
are liable to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in full-time jobs. While there is one benefit of this tendency, I do believe that this can lead to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawbacks in their home life and health conditions.

Admittedly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
who are single do not depend on anyone by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
like this, meaning that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
consider
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
to do not do anything without
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
. This can illustrate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women’s
power. If a number of choosing full-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
increase, gender gap will decrease
gradually
.
Therefore
, this circumstance will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
to overcome certain obstacles.

However
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that this choice can create
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
family problems and this result in controversy between
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
are not robot and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
works can not
be done
when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in full-time employment.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
do not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
time in order to cook a meal
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. In the final of day,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
can have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
temper due to this situation and this will cause conflict.
Therefore
, Even these things can lead to divorce due to conflict.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are elegant,
that is
why,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
their physical conditions do not become appropriate for full-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. Unfortunately, this can cause
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
diseases on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
, if they
particularly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in too much stressful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
atmosphere.
Thus
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and pressure
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them feel ill and
also
can influence their mental senses.

In conclusion
,
even though
this tendency decrease gender distinction, there are more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effect on them, such as family and health problems.
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IELTS essay Nowadays more and more women choose to work full-time. Is it a positive or negative development?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
257 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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