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Some people believe that violence on television and in computer games has a damaging effect on the society. Others deny that these factors have any significant influence on people's behaviour. What is your opinion? v.15

Some people believe that violence on television and in computer games has a damaging effect on the society. Others deny that these factors have any significant influence on people's behaviour. What is your opinion? v. 15
There is no doubt that harmful content on television will have a negative impact on the society, but it is always better to know the things that are happening in and around us to protect ourselves from dangerous situations. Although some people say that telecast of the harmful content will have bad impact on society, I would say that it is good to have a clear vision to be safe in each and every situation. On the one hand, those who believe that display of the crime is deleterious might argue that it will influence the people who are watching the particular scene. This is because it gives idea to a person how to commit crime and escape from a particular location. For example, we can see that there are many young people who are committing crimes by watching movies. In contrast, if the movies are not showing these things will have a good impact on the society. On the other hand, I believe that it will be useful because it will make the people to be more aware of the situation. The reason for this is people will be more careful and attentive towards the things that are happening in and around the surroundings. For instance, if there is someone who is trying to kill a person then that person can take necessary precautions to save him from a particular circumstance. If this awareness does not spread among the people there can be situations where an individual can be in a critical situation. In conclusion, despite the danger of having the telecast of violence in television, it is my firm belief that it can help many people to protect them from dangerous situations.
There is no doubt that harmful content on television will have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on the society,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it is always better to know the things that are happening in and around us to protect ourselves from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situations
. Although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
say that telecast of the harmful content will have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
impact on society, I would say that it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
to have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
vision to be safe in each and every situation.

On the one hand, those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
believe that display of the crime is deleterious might argue that it will influence the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are watching the particular scene. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it gives
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
to a person how to commit crime and escape from a particular location.
For example
, we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are committing crimes by watching movies.
In contrast
, if the movies are not showing these things will have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
impact on the society.

On the other hand
, I believe that it will be useful
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to be more aware of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situation
.
The reason for this is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will be more careful and attentive towards the things that are happening in and around the surroundings.
For instance
, if there is someone
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
is trying to kill a person then that person can take necessary precautions to save him from a particular circumstance.
“If” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
If
this awareness does not spread among the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
there can be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situations
where an individual can be in a critical situation.

In conclusion
, despite the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
of having the telecast of violence in television, it is my firm belief that it can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to protect them from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situations
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that violence on television and in computer games has a damaging effect on the society. Others deny that these factors have any significant influence on people's behaviour. What is your opinion? v. 15

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
284 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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