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Some people believe that upbringing of child is responsibility of a mother. Others say this responsibility lies with father. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. v.1

Some people believe that upbringing of child is responsibility of a mother. Others say this responsibility lies with father. v. 1
In this contemporary era, raising children is one of the most daunting tasks for both father and mother. It is often argued by some that the child's upbringing is the sole responsibility of a mother because children spend the most part of the day with them. Meanwhile, others still claim that a father has a strict nature, which helps to keep an eye on their child, so they should shoulder this responsibility. This essay will explore both sides of the argument before drawing a logical opinion. On the one hand, the supporters of the view that the mothers should foster their child believe that from birth to the other phases of a child's life, a mother, being compassionate in nature, hamper minors with their unconditional love and care. As the father is a breadwinner spends the least time with his children, so they imbibe the major values of their mothers. For example, recent research revealed that the majority of children reflect the characteristic of their mothers because of spending more time with them. Thus, the more responsibility, to an extent, lies on mothers to teach kids about obedience and inculcate good moral values. On the other hand, the advocates of the view that that the father should raise children by being strict which will help them to behave and practice good moral values. This is to say that the mothers are of a compassionate nature, so they are unable to refrain to children from doing bad activities. Take an example of a survey conducted by the Daily times revealed that the majority of younger generation claims, they do not drink alcohol because of their father's displeasure with them. Hence, it can also be considered as a valuable asset for breeding children. However, from my perspective, the father and mother both play a pivotal role in the character building of their progeny, and children can get a lot of benefit by adapting their teachings. This would for sure, results in a child with a good moral value and a compassionate society. To sum up, even though a father and a mother can individually contribute to fostering their children, but I believe their combination would work wonders.
In this contemporary era, raising
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
is one of the most daunting tasks for both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
father
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mother
. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
argued by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
that the child's upbringing
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
is


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
the
sole responsibility of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mother
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
spend the most part of the day with them. Meanwhile, others
still
claim that a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
father
has a strict nature, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
an eye on their child,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they should shoulder this responsibility. This essay will explore both sides of the argument
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
drawing a logical opinion.

On the one hand, the supporters of the view that the mothers should foster their child believe that from birth to the other phases of a child's life, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mother
, being compassionate in nature, hamper minors with their unconditional
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
and care. As the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
father
is a breadwinner spends the least time with his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they imbibe the major values of their mothers.
For example
, recent research revealed that the majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
reflect the characteristic of their mothers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of spending more time with them.
Thus
, the more responsibility, to an extent, lies on mothers to teach kids about obedience and inculcate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
moral values.

On the other hand
, the advocates of the view
Possible typo: you repeated a word
that that
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
father
should raise
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
by being strict which will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to behave and practice
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
moral values. This is to say that the mothers are of a compassionate nature,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they are unable to refrain to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
from doing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
activities. Take an example of a survey conducted by the Daily times revealed that the majority of younger generation claims, they do not drink alcohol
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their father's displeasure with them.
Hence
, it can
also
be considered
as a valuable asset for breeding children.

However
, from my perspective, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
father
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mother
both play a pivotal role in the character building of their progeny, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
benefit by adapting their teachings. This would for sure, results in a child with a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
moral value and a compassionate society.

To sum up,
even though
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
father
and a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mother
can
individually
contribute to fostering their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I believe their combination would work wonders.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
19Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
Learning is a treasure that will follow its owner everywhere.
Chinese Proverb

IELTS essay Some people believe that upbringing of child is responsibility of a mother. Others say this responsibility lies with father. v. 1

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
365 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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