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Some people believe that unpaid social work should be permanent part of school. Other disagree with them. discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some people believe that unpaid social work should be permanent part of school. Other disagree with them. 8GgB5
In this contemporary era, few people deem that unpaid social work should be permanent part of school. However, other disagree with them. My views regarding this fact are narrated as follows. Based on my knowledge, there are ample of reasons why people says that unpaid social work is a compulsory in school. The most prominent one is that student will be develope personality as well as individual will become social person. To explain in detail, by doing socialism in teenage student will get plethora of benefits like skill development such as communication skill, theoretical skill, problem solving skill and personality development such as strong bonding towards people and they will learn that how to not hurt anybody sentiments. For instance, in India in secondary school pupils given task by teacher to do charity work so as a consequence student can develop skills and feeling towards needy people. On the other hand, there are a few reasons why people disagree with above fact and says it is not a appropriate way to give knowledge about socialism in schools. Firstly, nowadays students having hectic schedule and vast syllabus and less time to complete, However if in that the community work become compulsory then they will not be able to concentrate towards studies and as a result they will get discouraged from studies. Another thing people says that it is not good age to teach socialism in school, it is a age of enjoyment. For example, in the USA, in 1955, teacher teaching students community work at school and as a result pupils becomes more interested in socialism and discourage from studies, it directly affect the school result and because of that government had announced that social work is not a compulsory in every schools. To conclude, although there are advantages and disadvantages of socialism should compulsory or not in school. However according to me social work must be permanent part of school because it has lots of perks.
In this contemporary era, few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
deem that unpaid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
should be permanent part of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
.
However
, other disagree with them. My views regarding this fact
are narrated
as follows.

Based on my knowledge, there are ample of reasons why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
says
that unpaid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
compulsory
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
. The most prominent one is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
will be
Possible spelling mistake found.
develope
personality
as well
as individual will become
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
person. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
in detail, by doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
socialism
in teenage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
plethora of benefits like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
development such as communication
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
, theoretical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
, problem solving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
and personality development such as strong bonding towards
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
people and
they will learn that how to not hurt anybody sentiments.
For instance
, in India in secondary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
pupils
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
task by teacher to do charity
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
as a consequence
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
can develop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
and feeling towards needy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

On the other hand
, there are a few reasons why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
disagree with above fact and says it is not
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
appropriate way to give knowledge about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
socialism
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
.
Firstly
, nowadays
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
having hectic schedule and vast syllabus and less time to complete,
However
if in that the community
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
become
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
compulsory
then they will not be able to concentrate towards studies and
as a result
they will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
discouraged from studies. Another thing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
says
that it is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
age to teach
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
socialism
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, it is
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
age of enjoyment.
For example
, in the USA, in 1955, teacher teaching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
community
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
and
as a result
pupils becomes more interested in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
socialism
and discourage from studies, it
directly
Did you mean "affects"?
affect
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
result and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
had announced that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
is not a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
compulsory
in every
The noun should be probably in the singular form: "school"?
schools
.

To conclude
, although there are advantages and disadvantages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
socialism
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
compulsory
or not in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
according to me
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be permanent part of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it has lots of perks.
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IELTS essay Some people believe that unpaid social work should be permanent part of school. Other disagree with them.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
326 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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