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Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programs (for example working for a charity, improving the neighborhood or teaching sports to younger children). To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.6

Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programs (for example working for a charity, improving the neighborhood or teaching sports to younger children). v. 6
Some people think that free social activities should be a mandatory part of high school programs. While students who take part in these activities may face some unexpected issues, I agree that educators should design required community services for their high school students without any payments. On the one hand, the most considerable trouble affects students when participating in public activities is the shortage of time. Particularly, they may be less focused on their core lessons in class, even lack leisure time because of spending too much time for community services. Besides, there are obligatory services which do not suit to everyone. For example, working for a charity at mountainous places or suburban areas requires students to have to go far away or teaching sports to younger children at outdoor stadium demands a good health. All of these types of work do not fit to the weak girls or unhealthy students. On the other hand, attending unpaid public services will bring great benefits to high school students. Firstly, these programs create a positive environment for students to be raised in a holistic way, not only improving their social knowledge but also motivate their perception about the outdoor life. This is really an appropriate method to train them on how to work for the interest of community instead of living only for themselves. Secondly, taking part in public activities such as volunteer campaigns and charity organizations is a highlighted point which makes their resume brilliant. If an applicant who has the same qualification, as well as experiences with other candidates, would like to apply for a scholarship or a competitive job, his past activities for the interest of community may make an outstanding contribution in helping him defeat the others. To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that free social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
should be a mandatory part of high school programs. While
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
may face
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
unexpected issues, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that educators should design required
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
for their high school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
without any payments.

On the one hand, the most considerable trouble affects
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
when participating in public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
is the shortage of time.
Particularly
, they may be less focused on their core lessons in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
, even lack leisure time
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of spending too much time for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
.
Besides
, there are obligatory
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
which do not suit to everyone.
For example
, working for a charity at mountainous places or suburban areas requires
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
go far away or teaching sports to younger children at outdoor stadium demands a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
health. All of these types of work do not fit to the weak girls or unhealthy students.

On the other hand
, attending unpaid public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
will bring great benefits to high school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
.
Firstly
, these programs create a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
environment for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to
be raised
Consider replacing "in a holistic way" with the adverb for "holistic"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in a holistic way
, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
improving their social knowledge
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
motivate their perception about the outdoor life. This is
really
an appropriate method to train them on how to work for the interest of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
instead
of living
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
for themselves.
Secondly
, taking part in public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
such as volunteer campaigns and charity organizations is a highlighted point which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
their resume brilliant. If an applicant who has the same qualification,
as well
as experiences with other candidates, would like to apply for a scholarship or a competitive job, his past
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
for the interest of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
an outstanding contribution in helping him defeat the others.

To summarize
, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to
properly
give instructions to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
and actually works to retard the ability of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
to comprehend new lessons.
Therefore
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot
be supported
. After thorough analysis on this subject, it
is predicted
that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effects, and
because of this
, classroom teachers will never
be substituted
for technology.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
21Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programs (for example working for a charity, improving the neighborhood or teaching sports to younger children). v. 6

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
377 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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