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Nowadays most people are not as fit and active, as they were in the past. What are the main causes of this situation? Suggest some possible solutions. v.4

Nowadays most people are not as fit and active, as they were in the past. What are the main causes of this situation? Suggest some possible solutions. v. 4
The majority of the population is overweight, in comparison to a few years ago. This is principally due to the lack of activity of people and their food rich in fat-acid. In this topic, the several causes of this issue will be developed and some suggestion will be given. First of all, time and food are the main causes of this health problem. Indeed, generally, people because of their busy work do not have the time to prepare their meals. In fact, they prefer have lunch in a restaurant or by buying a ready meal in a supermarket. Companies and restaurant, such as fast food understood this actual issue and promised to these people that in only a few minutes, they will get a hot meal for cheap. For example, Macdonad is the leader of this kind of restaurant. Its objectives is to prepare a set of hamburgers, fries and drinks in 10 minutes, which is a good deal for the person who has just 1 hour for lunch-break per day. However, traditionally, these aliments are mainly composed with sugar. In consequence, they help people to be fat, because the body cannot transform all the sugar absorbed into energy. Instead, it transforms the extra in fat. For example, according to the professor Montgomery, in his article for the CNRS, around 60% of the population prefers eat foods rich in sugar than vegetable. Moreover, one solution could be given more information about the risk related to the unbalance diet. Indeed, the government can publish preventive advertising near strategical places, such as restaurants or bus station. Food industries and restaurant should also inform their clients of the danger by including in their menus more fruits and vegetable. For instance, Subway's policy is to give the number of calories next to the sandwiches. These different solutions could work only if people decided to change their habits. Therefore, rich fat-acid food is the main factor of overweigh, but eating between the different meals during the day is the main source of taking kilograms. In conclusion, the increase of overweight people increased considerably since a few years. The main reasons are because people do not have time to cook by themselves and prefer have a ready meal. Thus, the government could inform more their inhabitants of the danger related to their bad habits and the restaurants could propose more balance diet in their menus.
The majority of the population is overweight,
in comparison
to a few years ago. This is
principally
due to the lack of activity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
rich in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
-acid. In this topic, the several causes of this issue will
be developed
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
suggestion will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, time and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
are the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
main
causes of this health problem.
Indeed
,
generally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their busy work do not have the time to prepare their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meals
. In fact, they prefer have lunch in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
restaurant
or by buying a ready
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meal
in a supermarket.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Companies
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
restaurant
, such as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
understood this actual issue and promised to these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a few minutes, they will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a hot
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meal
for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cheap
.
For example
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Macdonad
is the leader of this kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
restaurant
. Its objectives
You should probably use: "are".
is
to prepare a set of hamburgers, fries and drinks in 10 minutes, which is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
deal for the person who has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
1 hour for lunch-break per day.
However
,
traditionally
, these aliments are
mainly
composed with sugar. In consequence, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the body cannot transform all the sugar absorbed into energy.
Instead
, it transforms the extra in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
.
For example
, according to the professor Montgomery, in his article for the CNRS, around 60% of the population prefers eat
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
rich in sugar than vegetable.

Moreover
, one solution could be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
more information about the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
related to the unbalance diet.
Indeed
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
can publish preventive advertising near strategical places, such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
restaurants
or bus station.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Food
industries and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
restaurant
should
also
inform their clients of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
by including in their menus more fruits and vegetable.
For instance
, Subway's policy is to give the number of calories
next
to the sandwiches. These
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
solutions could work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
decided to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
their habits.
Therefore
, rich
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
-acid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
main
factor of
Possible spelling mistake found.
overweigh
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
eating between the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meals
during the day is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
main
source of taking kilograms.

In conclusion
, the increase of overweight
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
increased
considerably
since a few years. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
main
reasons are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not have time to cook by themselves and prefer have a ready
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meal
.
Thus
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
could inform more their inhabitants of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
related to their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
habits and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
restaurants
could propose more balance diet in their menus.
18Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
28Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Nowadays most people are not as fit and active, as they were in the past. What are the main causes of this situation? Suggest some possible solutions. v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
399 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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