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Many people work long hours, leaving very little time for leisure activities. Does this situation have more advantages or more disadvantages? v.8

Many people work long hours, leaving very little time for leisure activities. Does this situation have more advantages or more disadvantages? v. 8
The recent trend of extended work hours has been a controversial issue for a while. Quite a number of people spend a lot of time at work which leaves limited time for relaxation and this has been argued to have some benefits but it also comes with demerits. I strongly believe that the disadvantages far outweigh the advantages because family time will be affected and the physical well being is also at a high risk. Firstly, I am an advocate of families spending time together on a daily basis. Considering those who go to work, the best time to come together as a family will be in the evening after the day's work and this affords the children to talk to their parents about the challenges they face in school either with teachers or even their peers. Spouses will also be able to unite and strengthen their affairs when they engage in activities that help them unwind after each day's work. For instance, my family always spends time together discussing our day during the dinner, which takes place at 6pm in the house, if my spouse does not make time for this meal time because of work, it will affect every member of the family. In addition, everyone must have time to engage in sporting activities that help build their physical fitness. This must also be of priority over spending too much time at work because health is wealth. Engaging in activities that relaxes our body and the mind will help us to be more productive rather than staying so late at work with less result. In conclusion, the importance of creating space for pleasure can never be over emphasised. Family relationships are built while we spend time together and the condition of our body and mind should be given much consideration by sparing ample time to exercise rather than working for long hours with limited leisure.
The recent trend of extended
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
hours has been a controversial issue for a while. Quite a number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leaves
limited
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for relaxation and this has
been argued
to have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
benefits
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
with demerits. I
strongly
believe that the disadvantages far outweigh the advantages
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
and the physical
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well being
is
also
at a high
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
.

Firstly
, I am an advocate of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
together on a daily basis. Considering those who go to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
, the best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
together as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
will be in the evening after the day's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and this affords the children to talk to their parents about the challenges they face in school either with teachers or even their peers. Spouses will
also
be able to unite and strengthen their affairs when they engage in activities that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them unwind after each day's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
For instance
, my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
always spends
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
together discussing our day during the dinner, which takes place at 6pm in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
, if my spouse does not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for this meal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
, it will affect every member of the family.

In addition
, everyone
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to engage in sporting activities that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
build their physical fitness. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
also
be of priority over spending too much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
health is wealth. Engaging in activities that relaxes our body and the mind will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
us to be more productive
rather
than staying
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
late at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
with less result.

In conclusion
, the importance of creating space for pleasure can never be over
Possible spelling mistake. 'emphasised' is British English.
emphasised
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Family
relationships
are built
while we spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
together and the condition of our body and mind should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
much consideration by sparing ample
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to exercise
rather
than working for long hours with limited leisure.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
25Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Many people work long hours, leaving very little time for leisure activities. Does this situation have more advantages or more disadvantages? v. 8

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
317 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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