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Some people believe that children’s leisure activities must be educational otherwise they are a complete waste of time. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your experience. v.19

Some people believe that children’s leisure activities must be educational otherwise they are a complete waste of time. v. 19
Nowadays, people are giving more focus on the development of their child. Some people think that children’s free time is spent by a performing educational activity which helps them in their creativity and mind growth. In my opinion, I agree with this will helps in analytical and mental growth of the children. To begin with, One of the important reason is that children were not having ability to understand which exercise is good or bad for them so, if someone strictly monitor and guide them about the educational games then it would be more beneficial. Moreover, the age from 10 to 15 of the children is the critical part in which time they have to learn some moral values that longs for the entire life span of a person. For example, In India most of the children play play of a teacher, in that they were learning that how to behave in class and talk with the teacher. As a result, doing such leisure movement one can learn something and they enjoy their time. Secondly, introducing games that need creativity and analytic thinking also play vital role in the development of children. Consequently, it also helps children to identify their skills and their interest in a particular, subject during the school time which helps in the near subsequent when they are in the universities. For instance, parents know that their children having drawing skills, they send them in art class where they learn more in and their skills will be expanded in the near future, they may select that as their career as well. Thus, this type of activity helps in overall development of the children and helps the society as well. In conclusion, children can learn anything easily compare to any other age people. If academic institute teaches them good values, although this will help an individual developer and society also get discipline person.
Nowadays,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are giving more focus on the development of their child.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
free time
is spent
by a performing educational activity which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
them in their creativity and mind growth. In my opinion, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
in analytical and mental growth of the children.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, One of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
reason is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
were not having ability to understand which exercise is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
for them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, if someone
strictly
The pronoun 'someone' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "monitors", "monitored".
monitor
and guide them about the educational games then it would be more beneficial.
Moreover
, the age from 10 to 15 of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
is the critical part in which time they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
moral values that longs for the entire life span of a person.
For example
, In India most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
Possible typo: you repeated a word
play play
of a teacher, in that they were learning that how to behave in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
and talk with the teacher.
As a result
, doing such leisure movement one can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
something and
they enjoy their time.

Secondly
, introducing games that need creativity and analytic thinking
also
play vital role in the development of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
Consequently
, it
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to identify their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and their interest in a particular, subject during the school time which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
in the near subsequent when they are in the universities.
For instance
, parents know that their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
having drawing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
them in art
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
where they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
more in and their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
will
be expanded
in the near future, they may select that as their career
as well
.
Thus
, this type of activity
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
in
overall
development of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
the society
as well
.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
anything
easily
compare to any other age
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. If academic institute teaches them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
values, although this will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
an individual developer and society
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
discipline person.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that children’s leisure activities must be educational otherwise they are a complete waste of time. v. 19

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
315 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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