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Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information, such as their hobbies and interests, and whether they are married or single. Some people say this information may be relevant and useful. Others disagree. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. v.47

Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information, such as their hobbies and interests, and whether they are married or single. Some people say this information may be relevant and useful. Others disagree. v. 47
It is a prevalent pattern to ask job seekers some personal questions such as their marital status and nationalities during a job interview. Despite the supporters of this implementation, I consider that it is usually irrelevant and mostly unfair for many candidates. This essay will debate both approaches and express the reason of my personal view. Some people say personal info is relevant and useful, but others are not agreed on that. On the one hand, any individual info, such as hobbies and interests, could be useful to gauge candidates’ potential. Therefore, these parts of resumes call soft skills, and they are accepted as the key factors for talent development by many employers. These soft skills let employers foresee the potential of prospective employees. As an example, people who stated that they like playing team sports, such as volleyball, in their resumes or during the interview mostly tend to work in a team; these people can boost their team’s performance as well. On the other hand, most of the private info, such as candidates’ age, gender, and ethnicity, are not related to task descriptions. This type of information mostly generates biases to people who are seeking for jobs, and this data results in unfair selections. Many honourable academic institutes have proven the unreliability of the implementation that generates discrimination to some groups like women and immigrants. For instance, published research from the University of Toronto demonstrated that private data related questions are real obstructions against job seekers, and specifically, candidates’ nationalities and genders play a key role in hiring decisions. The consequence of the study showed that candidates who are male and have a Caucasian name have more chances to be hired. In conclusion, although, the drawbacks that arise from enquiring personal information overweight its benefits. In my opinion, employers should focus on learning outcomes, like education and experience, which can be evaluated objectively, instead of personal information.
It is a prevalent pattern to ask
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
seekers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
questions such as their marital status and nationalities during a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
interview. Despite the supporters of this implementation, I consider that it is
usually
irrelevant and
mostly
unfair for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
candidates
. This essay will debate both approaches and express the reason of my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
view.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
say
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
info is relevant and useful,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
others are not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agreed
on that.

On the one hand, any individual info, such as hobbies and interests, could be useful to gauge
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
candidates’
potential.
Therefore
, these parts of resumes call soft
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, and they are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
as the key factors for talent development by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
employers. These soft
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
employers foresee the potential of prospective employees. As an example,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who stated that they like playing team sports, such as volleyball, in their resumes or during the interview
mostly
tend to work in a team; these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can boost their team’s performance
as well
.

On the other hand
, most of the private info, such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
candidates’
age, gender, and ethnicity, are not related to task descriptions. This type of information
mostly
generates biases to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are seeking for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
, and this data results in unfair selections.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
Possible spelling mistake found.
honourable
academic institutes have proven the unreliability of the implementation that generates discrimination to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
groups like women and immigrants.
For instance
, published research from the University of Toronto demonstrated that private data related questions are real obstructions against
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
seekers, and
specifically
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
candidates’
nationalities and genders play a key role in hiring decisions. The consequence of the study
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
candidates
who are male and have a Caucasian name have more chances to
be hired
.

In conclusion
, although, the drawbacks that arise from
Possible spelling mistake. 'enquiring' is British English.
enquiring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
information overweight its benefits. In my opinion, employers should focus on learning outcomes, like education and experience, which can
be evaluated
objectively
,
instead
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
information.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information, such as their hobbies and interests, and whether they are married or single. Some people say this information may be relevant and useful. Others disagree. v. 47

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
318 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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