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Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programmes ( for example working for a charity, improving the neighborhood or teaching sports to younger children ) To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.21

Some people say that unpaid community service should be a necessary part of High school educational programs like helping others, improving neighbours conditions and organising sports for adults. I believe these things may encourage children to to work for humanity and to be sympathetic and kind towards people. This services also help in the development of country and its population. Firstly, educational institutes should start charity work and take help from students for it. This step will make students a good person in their future. It also leads to a helpful step for charity workers and they successfully do work for poor people and to improve their living situation. It would be possible if schools start working for NGO's by giving them money and free education to children. Secondly, students should take part to improve the conditions of their neighbourhood. For example, school should organise events, in which they clean the streets around the school and also give inspiration to the people who live there, to make their surroundings clean. Furthermore, they grow plants near schools, which make the environment clean and green. So that the students also involve to do better service for the environment. Thirdly, sports camps should also be organised for teenagers and adults in schools. If they take part in sports they become healthy and strong. When they know about the benefits of games, they also work for the organisations. Moreover, sports clubs also teach children about the demerits of drugs, so that they cannot get addicted of them and stay away from these things and further live a better and healthy life. To conclude, i agree that high schools should add some community services to the their programmes to aware children about their surroundings and giving them moral values. I believe, it will lead to the whole development of the children.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
say that unpaid community
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
should be a necessary part of High
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
educational programs like helping others, improving
Possible spelling mistake. ‘neighbours’ is British English.
neighbours
conditions and
Possible spelling mistake. ‘organising’ is British English.
organising
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
for adults. I believe these things may encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
Possible typo: you repeated a word
to to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for humanity and to be sympathetic and kind towards
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in the development of country and its population.

Firstly
, educational institutes should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
charity
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and take
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
for it. This step will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
person in their future. It
also
leads to a helpful step for charity
Use a comma before ‘and’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
workers and
they
successfully
do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their living situation. It would be possible if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
working for NGO's by giving them money and free education to children.

Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the conditions of their
Possible spelling mistake. ‘neighbourhood’ is British English.
neighbourhood
.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
should
Possible spelling mistake. ‘organise’ is British English.
organise
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
, in which they clean the streets around the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
and
also
give inspiration to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
there, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their surroundings clean.
Furthermore
, they grow plants near
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the environment clean and green.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
also
involve to do better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
for the environment.

Thirdly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
camps should
also
be
Possible spelling mistake. ‘organised’ is British English.
organised
for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
and adults in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
. If they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
they become healthy and strong. When they know about the benefits of games, they
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for the
Possible spelling mistake. ‘organisations’ is British English.
organisations
.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
clubs
also
teach
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
about the demerits of drugs,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
addicted of them and stay away from these things and
further
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
a better and healthy life.

To conclude
,
Is this the personal pronoun “I”? It is spelled uppercase.
i
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
community
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
to
A determiner cannot be combined with a possessive pronoun. Did you mean simply “the” or “their”?
the their
Possible spelling mistake. ‘programmes’ is British English.
programmes
to aware
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
about their surroundings and giving them moral values. I believe, it will lead to the whole development of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
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Change your language and you change your thoughts.
Karl Albrecht

IELTS essay Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programmes (for example working for a charity, improving the neighborhood for teaching sports to younger children).

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
306 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
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