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Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsary part of high school programmes (for example working for a charity, improving the neighbourhood or teaching sports to younger children). To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsary part of high school programmes (for example working for a charity, improving the neighbourhood or teaching sports to younger children). v. 1
To Include unpaid community service in high school programmes has been believed should be a compulsory part. These services include working for charities, teaching young children etc. High school is the final stage of a child becoming an adult. Therefore, learning how to be a responsible social member is of vital importance. As teenagers, they might spend a large amount of time focusing on themselves. Social work at this point can help them see the needs of others, which is a key ability for them in the future. Besides, the very ability is also a crucial element of creating a helping society. There are other advantages of students participating in these kinds of activities. If students join a charity, that might gain some valuable working experience during the period of time. They may strengthen their communication skills, since they will have an abundant chances to encounter people from the community. Working as a team has been emphasized as an important ability. Because the people in the charity might come from all walks of life, students have the opportunity to not only collaborate with classmates but also more various people. Last but not least, all different types of social service may help students understand themselves better. Knowing what their strengths are can help them decide their further career in a profound way. In conclusion, I believe the advantages of unpaid community service may play a crucial role for students. Thus, it is quite reasonable to make it a compulsory part of high school programmes.
To Include unpaid community
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
in high school
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
has
been believed
should be a compulsory part. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
include working for charities, teaching young children etc.

High school is the final stage of a child becoming an adult.
Therefore
, learning how to be a responsible social member is of vital importance. As
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
, they might spend a large amount of time focusing on themselves. Social work at this point can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the needs of others, which is a key ability for them in the future.
Besides
, the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
ability is
also
a crucial element of creating a helping society.

There are other advantages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
participating in these kinds of activities. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
a charity, that might gain
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
valuable working experience during the period of time. They may strengthen their communication
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, since they will have an abundant
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "chance"?
chances
to encounter
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
from the community. Working as a team has
been emphasized
as an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
ability.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in the charity might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
from all walks of life,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
have the opportunity to not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
collaborate with classmates
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
more various
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not least, all
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
types of social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
understand themselves better. Knowing what their strengths are can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them decide their
further
career
Consider replacing "in a profound way" with the adverb for "profound"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in a profound way
.

In conclusion
, I believe the advantages of unpaid community
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
may play a crucial role for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
.
Thus
, it is quite reasonable to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it a compulsory part of high school
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
Language comes first. It’s not that language grows out of consciousness, if you haven’t got language, you can’t be conscious.
Alan Moore

IELTS essay Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsary part of high school programmes (for example working for a charity, improving the neighbourhood or teaching sports to younger children). v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
253 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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