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Some people believe that university students should pay all the cost of studies because university education only benefit the students themselves not the society as a whole. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.4

Some people believe that university students should pay all the cost of studies because university education only benefit the students themselves not the society as a whole. v. 4
For the last many decades, it has been encountered that government makes a huge contribution as a part of the its educational budget for scholarships provided to students which is sourced in form of taxes from the people. According to a section of society, no contributions should be made and the same should be completely incurred by the students. I completely disagree with above opinion and in this essay will discuss the reasons for same. Firstly, we all play an imperative role in the development of our nation and its economy. No country can grow and prosper in isolation and entails the need of its citizens to understand their accountability towards their motherland. It is worthwhile to mention that students are the nation builders and forward thinkers of any economy. Undoubtedly, getting the university degree will help these individuals get lucrative and coveted jobs. These educated citizens help to raise the socioeconomic status of their homeland. Furthermore, recognising eligible students in the form of these incentives propel students to work hard and show to the best of their abilities which are required to achieve the targets and goals of their lives which helps the nation as a whole in the long run. In fact, not all students who pursue tertiary education belong to a higher class of society and might not be able to afford the fees of top ranked schools. A helping hand of government in the form of bearing the cost of their studies becomes a motivation and a sense of fulfilment which boosts their confidence, spirit and gives a hope to raise their standards of living. In the light of the above mentioned arguments, I strongly recount by saying that government should continue making their contributions to cost of studies of students, as it not only benefits these students individually, rather it has a wholesome benefit to the society in the form of higher literacy ratio and a step towards development of the nation.
For the last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
decades, it has
been encountered
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
a huge contribution as a part of
A determiner cannot combine with a possessive pronoun. Did you mean simply "its educational" or "the educational"?
the its educational
budget for scholarships provided to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
which
is sourced
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
form
of taxes from the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. According to a section of society, no contributions should
be made
and the same should be completely incurred by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
. I completely disagree with above opinion and in this essay will discuss the reasons for same.

Firstly
, we all play an imperative role in the development of our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
and its economy. No country can grow and prosper in isolation and entails the need of its citizens to understand their accountability towards their motherland. It is worthwhile to mention that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
builders and forward thinkers of any economy.
Undoubtedly
, getting the university degree will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
these individuals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
lucrative and coveted jobs. These educated citizens
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to raise the socioeconomic status of their homeland.

Furthermore
,
Possible spelling mistake. 'recognising' is British English.
recognising
eligible
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
form
of these incentives propel
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
to the best of their abilities which
are required
to achieve the targets and goals of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
as a whole in the long run. In fact, not all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who pursue tertiary education belong to a higher
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
of society and might not be able to afford the fees of top ranked schools. A helping hand of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
form
of bearing the cost of their studies becomes a motivation and a sense of
Possible spelling mistake. 'fulfilment' is British English.
fulfilment
which boosts their confidence, spirit and gives a hope to raise their standards of living.

In the light of the above mentioned arguments, I
strongly
recount by saying that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should continue making their contributions to cost of studies of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
, as it not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
benefits these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
individually
,
rather
it has a wholesome benefit to the society in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
form
of higher literacy ratio and a step towards development of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
16Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that university students should pay all the cost of studies because university education only benefit the students themselves not the society as a whole. v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
327 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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