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Some people believe that university should offer places for people with high marks, Others says that universities accept all age of people even if they do not well at schools. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

Some people believe that university should offer places for people with high marks, Others says that universities accept all age of people even if they do not well at schools. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion bY2jW
When it comes to higher education there is a debate on the spots that universities should offer. While some people believe that only students with better academic performance should be eligible, others believe that everyone should be included. This essay discusses these both views and explains why I support the former opinion. On the one hand, some people argue that everyone should have the opportunity to obtain a degree. First, they think education is necessary for life and, therefore, universities should include all sort of students, despite their academic background. In other words, even though some students do not have good marks, they should have a spot at the university. Second, it is said that higher education is not only desirable but also a basic human right. To illustrate, many countries, such as Brazil and Chile, present in their laws that higher education is a secured right for all citizens. On the other hand, there are those who argue that universities should offer spots only for candidates with high marks. This is because they consider that there are limited places and only the best students should be granted this opportunity. For example, becoming a doctor in Brazil is highly disputed and, as a result, the best way to select candidates is by choosing those who have the best academic background. In addition, it is essential to have a system that chooses the best candidates in order to motivate students to improve their academic performance. If there is not a process like this, students will not be motivated to study hard during high school. In conclusion, I believe both arguments have their merits. However, on balance, I believe the best option is choosing students with higher grades. This is because there are limited places and choosing those who have the best marks keep people motivated to do their best.
“When” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
When
it
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comes
to higher
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education
there is a debate on the spots that
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universities
should offer. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
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people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that
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only
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students
with better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
performance should be eligible, others
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that everyone should
be included
. This essay discusses these both views and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explains
why I support the former opinion.

On the one hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
argue that everyone should have the opportunity to obtain a degree.
First
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is necessary for life and,
therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
should include all sort of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
, despite their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
background.
In other words
,
even though
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
do not have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
marks, they should have a spot at the
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university
. Second, it
is said
that higher
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education
is not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
desirable
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
a basic human right. To illustrate,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries, such as Brazil and Chile, present in their laws that higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is a secured right for all citizens.

On the other hand
, there are those who argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
should offer spots
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
for candidates with high marks. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they consider that there
are limited
places and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should
be granted
this opportunity.
For example
, becoming a doctor in Brazil is
highly
disputed and,
as a result
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
best
way to select candidates is by choosing those who have the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
background.
In addition
, it is essential to have a system that chooses the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
best
candidates in order to motivate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
performance. If there is not a process like this,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
will not
be motivated
to study
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
during high school.

In conclusion
, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
both arguments have their merits.
However
, on balance, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
best
option is choosing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
with higher grades. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there
are limited
places and choosing those who have the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
best
marks
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
motivated to do their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
best
.
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IELTS essay Some people believe that university should offer places for people with high marks, Others says that universities accept all age of people even if they do not well at schools. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
308 words
9
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 9.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 9.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 9.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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