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some people believe that TV advertisements are helpful for viewers, others disagree

some people believe that TV advertisements are helpful for viewers, others disagree 25x3w
In modern life, some people believe that the audiences are benefited when watching TV commercials while other people disagree. Although TV advertisements have some positive effects on viewers, I personally agree that TV advertisements are detrimental for viewers. On the one hand, TV advertisements do not give the objective perspective exactly about the products for viewers. It means that people see the goods, which are advertised on television, are not realistic when directly using them or see. Because customers always look curiously at the new product and interest in it when viewing TV advertisements, therefore, the producer usually advertises excessively on TV and it is the reason why TV advertisements are harmful to viewers. For example, a TV advertisement of instant noodles is very attractive with the good taste on TV while eating them is less attractive. On the other hand, many children like significantly the TV advertisements and it leads to waste learning time or do the household of the children. Even some parents look after the children by the way of watching TV advertisements. Many children tend to follow the model adults behavior and if they see the violent advertisements, they may do or think badly. In conclusion, advertising on TV is a matter of business and it is not helpful for viewers unless the products are advertised with the exactly real values and parents do not take advantage of them to take care of the children in the future.
In modern life,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that the audiences
are benefited
when watching TV commercials while other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
disagree. Although TV
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effects on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
viewers
, I
personally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that TV
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
are detrimental for viewers.

On the one hand, TV
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
do not give the objective perspective exactly about the products for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
viewers
. It means that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
, which
are advertised
on television, are not realistic when
directly
using them or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
customers always look
curiously
at the new product and interest in it when viewing TV
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
,
therefore
, the producer
usually
advertises
excessively
on TV and it is the reason why TV
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
are harmful to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
viewers
.
For example
, a TV
The usual collocation for "advertisement" is "for" not "of". Did you mean "advertisement for"?
advertisement of
instant noodles is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
attractive with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
taste on TV while eating them is less attractive.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
like
significantly
the TV
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
and it leads to waste learning time or do the household of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. Even
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
parents look after the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
by the way of watching TV
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
tend to follow the model adults behavior and if they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the violent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
, they may do or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
badly
.

In conclusion
, advertising on TV is a matter of business and it is not helpful for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
viewers
unless the products
are advertised
with the exactly real values and parents do not take advantage of them to take care of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in the future.
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IELTS essay some people believe that TV advertisements are helpful for viewers, others disagree

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
242 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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