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Describe an ocassion when you were not allowed to use mobile phone.

Describe an ocassion when you were not allowed to use mobile phone. GN3Ee
Well, I am a technophile and love using gadgets and gizmos. Presently mobile phones have become the necessity of a person. Every day, we use our smartphones for various objectives, and sometimes we are forbidden to use our smartphone. Here I would inevitably talk about a time when I  was not allowed to use my mobile. Actually, in the last summer vacation, my paternal uncle visited us with his family. We all were very delighted. At that time, we decided to visit a famous museum in our city. This museum has treasured essential antiques of Sikh history. I booked the tickets and reached the museum at 9 am. I was not aware that mobile phones were restricted inside the museum because I had never visited that museum before. We all submitted our cellphones and entered the museum. The museum was full of sculptures and beautiful artifacts, I was eagerly yearned to click some photographs but, at that time my mobile phone was not with me. After roaming the whole museum, we sat together in a garden and started conversations with each other. I felt very relaxed to spend some quality time with my family members without any distractions. Even though I was not able to click photographs, but it was a blissful experience. When I got my mobile back, I was stunned to see too many missed calls and notifications. We all are excessively immersed in our mobile phones and have forgotten about our family. So we should use our mobile phone wisely so that we could give some moments to our family.
Well, I am a technophile and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
using gadgets and gizmos.
Presently
mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
have become the necessity of a person.

Every day, we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
our smartphones for various objectives, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
we
are forbidden
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
our smartphone. Here I would
inevitably
talk about a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
when I
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
was not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
my mobile.

Actually, in the last summer vacation, my paternal uncle visited us with his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
. We all were
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
delighted. At that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, we decided to visit a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
in our city. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
has treasured essential antiques of Sikh history. I booked the tickets and reached the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
at 9 am.

I was not aware that mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
were restricted
inside the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
I had never visited that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
. We all submitted our cellphones and entered the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
was full of sculptures and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
artifacts, I was
eagerly
yearned to click
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
photographs
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
, at that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
my mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
was not with me.

After roaming the whole
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
, we sat together in a garden and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
conversations with each other. I felt
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
relaxed to spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
quality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members without any distractions.
Even though
I was not able to click photographs,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it was a blissful experience.

When I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
my mobile back, I
was stunned
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
too
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
missed calls and notifications. We all are
excessively
immersed in our mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
and have forgotten about our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
we should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
our mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
wisely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that we could give
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
moments to our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
.
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IELTS essay Describe an ocassion when you were not allowed to use mobile phone.

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
263 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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