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some people believe that travelling is a valuable experience, other say it is a waste of time and money. discuss both the view and give your opinion.

some people believe that travelling is a valuable experience, other say it is a waste of time and money. 1oyEN
Nowadays, the travelling is the best way to explore new things. A number of people of assert that the we can explore a lot of things while travel whereas others claim that they can invest their valuable time and investment. In my opinion, individual can obtain chance to learn a lot of about the attractive places and the history behind this. There are two school of thoughts which stating the justified reasons and drawbacks before reaching the concert conclusion. The first and the foremost reason is, we can know about culture and tradition. In other words, citizen get a chance to celebrate of event and festival of other countries. The past records are taught tourist about the myth and inheritance. For instance, a survey was conducted for the last few years which stated that in Brazil, the majority of population are travelling because to know about others culture and custom. the Another concrete reason behind this that the person can spend time with their friends and family members. In the fast world, the hectic schedule of people are suffering from stress. My prospective, this is only the way to come out from stress. Moreover, we can save the some vital memory and will recall in the future. On the other hand, few people believe that this is not vital and waste our precias time. The people from developing countries which could be afford day for their family. To clarify, this kind of masses faces a lot of excursion and the consequences related to economic. To illustrate, in develing countries, parents spent huge investment for their children’s study and also tution. So, invest on education would be beneficial for them without on trips. The another disadvantages is the tour required huge time. The person can not managed and bad effect of there work and kid’s study. As a consequence, numerous tours and travel have a detrimental impact on individual budget and time. In conclusion, personally believe that the travelling is a great way to meet the new people know about other culture norms. However, this type of investment can impact on middle class folks. In my opinion, travel can positive impact influence on once health and enhance their knowledge.
Nowadays, the travelling is the best way to explore new things. A number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of assert that
Possible typo. Did you mean "the" or "we"?
the we
can explore
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
things while travel whereas others claim that they can invest their valuable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and investment. In my opinion, individual can obtain chance to learn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
about the attractive places and the history behind this. There are two school of thoughts which stating the justified reasons and drawbacks
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
reaching the concert conclusion.

The
first
and the foremost reason is, we can know about culture and tradition. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words, citizen
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a chance to celebrate of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
and festival of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
countries. The past records
are taught
tourist about the myth and inheritance.
For instance
, a survey
was conducted
for the last few years which stated that in Brazil, the majority of population are travelling
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
to know about others culture and custom.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
the
Another concrete reason behind this that the person can spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with their friends and family members. In the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
world, the hectic schedule of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are suffering from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
. My prospective, this is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
out from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
.
Moreover
, we can save the
Did you mean "same"?
some
vital memory and will recall in the future.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that this is not vital and waste our
Possible spelling mistake found.
precias
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developing countries
which could be
Consider using the past participle "afforded"?
afford
day for their family. To clarify, this kind of masses faces
Possible agreement error. The noun excursion seems to be countable; consider using: "a lot of excursions".
a lot of excursion
and the consequences related to economic. To illustrate, in
Possible spelling mistake found.
develing
countries, parents spent huge investment for their children’s study and
also
Possible spelling mistake found.
tution
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, invest on education would be beneficial for them without on trips. The another disadvantages is the tour required huge
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. The person can not
The verb 'can' requires the base form of the verb: "manage"
managed
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
effect of there work and kid’s study. As a consequence, numerous tours and travel have a detrimental impact on individual budget and time.

In conclusion
,
personally
believe that the travelling is a great way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
the new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
know about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
culture norms.
However
, this type of investment can impact on middle
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
folks. In my opinion, travel can
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact influence on once health and enhance their knowledge.
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IELTS essay some people believe that travelling is a valuable experience, other say it is a waste of time and money.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
368 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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