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Some people believe that traditional music album and single consumption is vital for the music industry. On the other hand, others think that digital streaming and downloading play bigger roles. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.3

Some people believe that traditional music album and single consumption is vital for the music industry. On the other hand, others think that digital streaming and downloading play bigger roles. v. 3
The music industry, as many others, has been subjected to many changes in the ways its services and songs are consumed. It is considered by many that physical albums and singles are crucial for the music business while there are others who think that digital consumption is more important. In my opinion, I think that buying music is essential for keeping the market alive, whether it is a physical or digital release. On the one hand, physical CDs are still important contributors to the development of the music industry. They have been a reliable source of income for record companies, artists, producers and alike, which works as a driving force so they can continue delivering quality work. Even when there has been a continuing decrease in sales, albums provide customers who are sceptical of new technologies the opportunity to still buy their favourite CD. All in all, CDs offer artists credibility, and they still have an audience and a market that generates big revenue. On the other hand, music streaming and downloading services also provide many benefits. Since their inception, these formats have revolutionized music by offering listeners the opportunity to buy it from their comfort of home, or even from places where physical copies are usually difficult to find. In addition, streaming platforms, such as YouTube or Spotify, could provide less known artists with more exposure to the general public, thus, boosting their records, singles and concert ticket sales. In conclusion, I firmly believe that both ways make the music industry a profitable business, even if the digital era is replacing traditional sales. This trend is expected to continue to rise in the upcoming years; however, people should make sure they purchase music and avoid piracy in order to support the artists.
The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
industry, as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
others, has
been subjected
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in the ways its services and songs
are consumed
. It
is considered
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
albums and singles are crucial for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
business while there are others who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that digital consumption is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
. In my opinion, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that buying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is essential for keeping the market alive, whether it is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
or digital release.

On the one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
CDs are
still
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
contributors to the development of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
industry. They have been a reliable source of income for record
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
, producers and alike, which works as a driving force
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they can continue delivering quality work. Even when there has been a continuing decrease in sales, albums provide customers who are
Possible spelling mistake. 'sceptical' is British English.
sceptical
of new technologies the opportunity to
still
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
their
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
CD. All in all, CDs offer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
credibility, and they
still
have an audience and a market that generates
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
revenue.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
streaming and downloading services
also
provide
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits. Since their inception, these formats have revolutionized
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
by offering listeners the opportunity to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
it from their comfort of home, or even from places where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
copies are
usually
difficult to find.
In addition
, streaming platforms, such as YouTube or Spotify, could provide less known
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
with more exposure to the
Consider using "public".
general public
,
thus
, boosting their records, singles and concert ticket sales.

In conclusion
, I
firmly
believe that both ways
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
industry a profitable business, even if the digital era is replacing traditional sales. This trend is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
to continue to rise in the upcoming years;
however
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
sure they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
and avoid piracy in order to support the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that traditional music album and single consumption is vital for the music industry. On the other hand, others think that digital streaming and downloading play bigger roles. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
293 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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