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Some people believe that tourism promotes the economy while other argue that tourism destroy the environment. Discuss both views.

Some people believe that tourism promotes the economy while other argue that tourism destroy the environment. dokgr
In this contemporary era, the tourism industry has become the leading sector of national development. Therefore, some people claim that the tourism industry plays a significant role in any country’s economy. While others criticize it for doing harm to the environment. However, I think tourism is beneficial for financial gain and as well as for society. To begin with, the international tourism is profitable in many ways. Firstly, it contributes huge revenue to the country. Mainly these days tourism companies provide many good facilities to their customer as a result companies take charges from their customers and earn money. For instance, a country like Dubai, is mainly generating income by oil industry apart from that, large number of tourists visits Dubai. Hence, Dubai tourism data revealed that, Dubai local tourist businesses contribute 12. 1% in their national GDP. Secondly, nowadays tourism is becoming an industry that creates thousands of jobs for citizens. Consequently, it helps in improving the income of local residents through selling things and providing services to their visitors. On the other hand, tourism industry have a negative impact on the environment. Specially, modern infrastructure like roads and big hotels that destroyed the natural habitats of animals and spoil the landscape. Because, these kinds of development requires high amount of land. Furthermore, tourism industry also causes pollution. This situation mainly creates in famous tourist places because in that place rush of visitors are higher and it will create noise and water pollution. However, I believe that environmental protection is the part of the tourism development, on how the government allocates the budget on this industry for creating a clean environment. To conclude, In my view tourism industry can drive a better economy growth in any nation’s. Although, people and government should focus on the environment issues.
In this contemporary era, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industry
has become the leading sector of national development.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
claim that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industry
plays a significant role in any country’s economy. While others criticize it for doing harm to the environment.
However
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
is beneficial for financial gain and
as well
as for society.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
is profitable in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways.
Firstly
, it contributes huge revenue to the country.
Mainly
these days
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
provide
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
facilities to their customer
as a result
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
take charges from their customers and earn money.
For instance
, a country like Dubai, is
mainly
generating income by oil
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industry
apart from that, large number of tourists visits Dubai.
Hence
, Dubai
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
data revealed that, Dubai local tourist businesses contribute 12. 1% in their national GDP.
Secondly
, nowadays
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
is becoming an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industry
that creates thousands of jobs for citizens.
Consequently
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
in improving the income of local residents through selling things and providing services to their visitors.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industry
have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on the environment.
Specially
, modern infrastructure like roads and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
hotels that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroyed
the natural habitats of animals and spoil the landscape.
“Because” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Because
, these kinds of development requires high amount of land.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industry
also
causes pollution. This situation
mainly
creates in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
tourist places
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
in that place rush of visitors are higher and it will create noise and water pollution.
However
, I believe that environmental protection is the part of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
development, on how the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
allocates the budget on this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industry
for creating a clean environment.

To conclude
, In my view
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industry
can drive a better economy growth in any nation’s. Although,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should focus on the environment issues.
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IELTS essay Some people believe that tourism promotes the economy while other argue that tourism destroy the environment.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
298 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
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    One main idea per paragraph
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  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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