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Some people believe that to protect local culture, tourism should be banned in some areas whereas others think that change is inevitable and banning tourism will have no benefits. Discuss both sides and give your opinion. v.5

Some people believe that to protect local culture, tourism should be banned in some areas whereas others think that change is inevitable and banning tourism will have no benefits. v. 5
Some people would argue that it is necessary to ban tourism in some places to preserve local culture, while others think that it is not needed because those places no longer have importance as it was in the past. I agree with the first statement and believe that we should leave the local live in their ways. On the one hand, it is necessary to ban tourism in some sacred places. The locals use those places to strengthen their relation to others as well as the God. Unfortunately, many tourists do not understand it and tend to be busy with their activities only, such as taking pictures and chatting with other visitors. As a result, the locals find it difficult to concentrate and have spiritual communication with their creators. For example, the Sultan Mosque in Singapore is closed during prayer times to allow people from the surrounding to pray in it without any disturbance from tourists. I believe this the correct approach for those holy places. On the other hand, preventing tourists from visiting places which have lost their original functions is unnecessary. There are many places which were important in the past, but it does not have critical functions anymore these days. Such places are more beneficial if they are converted into tourist attractions. For example, the Borobudur temple today is entirely for tourism instead of the place for meditation as it was in the past. I agree this view because it does not threat the local culture. In conclusion, tourism should be banned in places where the original functions of those places remain unchanged, however, this is not applicable for places which have lost their functions and will be beneficial if it is converted into tourist attractions.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
would argue that it is necessary to ban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
to preserve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
culture, while others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it is not needed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
no longer have importance as it was in the past. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the
first
statement and believe that we should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in their ways.

On the one hand, it is necessary to ban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
sacred
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
locals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
to strengthen their relation to others
as well
as the God. Unfortunately,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
do not understand it and tend to be busy with their activities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
, such as taking pictures and chatting with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
visitors.
As a result
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
locals
find it difficult to concentrate and have spiritual communication with their creators.
For example
, the Sultan Mosque in Singapore
is closed
during prayer times to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
from the surrounding to pray in it without any disturbance from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
. I believe this the correct approach for those holy places.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, preventing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
from visiting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
which have lost their original
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
functions
is unnecessary. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
which were
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
in the past,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it does not have critical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
functions
anymore these days. Such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
are more beneficial if they
are converted
into
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourist
attractions.
For example
, the Borobudur temple
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
is
entirely
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
instead
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
for meditation as it was in the past. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
this view
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it does not threat the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
culture.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
should
be banned
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
where the original
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
functions
of those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
remain unchanged,
however
, this is not applicable for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
which have lost their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
functions
and will be beneficial if it
is converted
into
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourist
attractions.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that to protect local culture, tourism should be banned in some areas whereas others think that change is inevitable and banning tourism will have no benefits. v. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
289 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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