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Some people believe that to be successful is to be. Others think that success can be measured only by personal happiness. What are your thoughts on the matter?

Some people believe that to be successful is to be. Others think that success can be measured only by personal happiness. What are your thoughts on the matter? YLjNQ
It is an irrefutable fact that in this era money and high wages are considered as real success. But, there are some sections of the society according to them happiness is the foremost success. I, personally, agree with the second view point as being rich cannot bring the actual success, which is to be happy. To commence with, nowadays it can be seen that most people are rushing towards money as they believe that true success means to be rich. It is true that rich people can buy anything, but materialistic happiness is for short time, personal happiness and satisfaction is very important to lead life. And also, many cases can be witnessed around the globe that many billionaires are committing suicide as they did not find personal happiness in the materialistic word and even many poor people are leading happy life. Moving further, many factors support the standpoint that actual success is more about happiness other than money. Firstly, finding a satisfaction in one's own job is very important. People sometimes quit their jobs even if they were getting higher wages, as they didn't found joy of doing it. A suitable career that matches an individual's interest is more vital than salary. In addition to this, I believe that other criteria that should be in consideration when talking about success is health, an obvious factor. If a person is healthy and fit, he can work hard to achieve his goals. To conclude, it is clear from aforementioned that to be rich is less important factor when considering success, happiness and satisfaction is more.
It is an irrefutable fact that in this era money and high wages
are considered
as real
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
sections of the society according to them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
is the foremost
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
. I,
personally
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the second view point as being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rich
cannot bring the actual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
, which is to be happy. To commence with, nowadays it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are rushing towards money as they believe that true
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
means to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rich
. It is true that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
anything,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
materialistic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
is for short time, personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
and satisfaction is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to lead life. And
also
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
cases can
be witnessed
around the globe that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
billionaires are committing suicide as they did not find personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
in the materialistic word and even
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are leading happy life. Moving
further
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
factors support the standpoint that actual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
is more about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
other than money.
Firstly
, finding a satisfaction in one's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
job is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
quit their jobs even if they were getting higher wages, as they didn't found joy of doing it. A suitable career that matches an individual's interest is more vital than salary.
In addition
to this, I believe that other criteria that should be in consideration when talking about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
is health, an obvious factor. If a person is healthy and fit, he can work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to achieve his goals.
To conclude
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
from aforementioned that to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rich
is less
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
factor when considering
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
and satisfaction is more.
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IELTS essay Some people believe that to be successful is to be. Others think that success can be measured only by personal happiness. What are your thoughts on the matter?

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
264 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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