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Some people believe that there are various reasons that can motivate a person to keep working for the same company whereas others say that money is the main reason which gives motivation. Do you agree or disagree.

Some people believe that there are various reasons that can motivate a person to keep working for the same company whereas others say that money is the main reason which gives motivation. Ymk9Q
Most of the people have high expectations for their career. I disagree with the statment that only money can retain a person with an organisation. There are various other factors besides monetory benefits that compel an individual to continue their services to a company for a long time. First predominent factor to motivate employees to continue working in a company, is work life balance because everybody wants some time for their personal life. If a company put too much pressure on its employees all the time, workers would get exhausted or it can impact on their mental as well as physical health. Consequently employees would like to get rid of this hell. Therefore it is very crucial for every employer to give employees the time they need for their personal life. Second factor which matters most in employees’ life, is enviornment of the workplace. Supportive collegues play a vital role in success of an individual because cooperation among team members always enhances productivity and learning. People feel more comfertable and relaxed with their cooperative mates and they like to have long term connections with them. Apart from this, company should ensure that their employees especially women are safe at the workplace. For instance, many companies provide transportation to their female workers for their safety and comfort. Finally, in order to maintain the career success, candidates have to elevate their skills time to time. Employees always look for new opportunities and skills because it is essential for their career growth. Therfore people like to work with an employer who gives them chance for learning new skills. To conclude, employees cannot be convinced to give the longer services to an organisation by providing monetory benefits only. Other things like safety, balance between personal and professional life are also important to employees.
Most of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have high expectations for their career. I disagree with the
Possible spelling mistake found.
statment
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
money can retain a person with an
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
. There are various other factors
besides
Possible spelling mistake found.
monetory
benefits that compel an individual to continue their services to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
for a long time.

First
Possible spelling mistake found.
predominent
factor to motivate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
to continue working in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
, is work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
balance
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
everybody wants
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for their personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. If a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
put too much pressure on its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, workers would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
exhausted or it can impact on their mental
as well
as physical health.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Consequently
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
would like to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
rid of this hell.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
crucial for every employer to give
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
they need for their personal life.

Second factor which matters most in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, is
Possible spelling mistake found.
enviornment
of the workplace. Supportive
Possible spelling mistake found.
collegues
play a vital role in success of an individual
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
cooperation among team members always enhances productivity and learning.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
feel more
Possible spelling mistake found.
comfertable
and relaxed with their cooperative
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
mates and
they like to have long term connections with them. Apart from this,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
should ensure that their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
especially
women are safe at the workplace.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
provide transportation to their female workers for their safety and comfort.

Finally
, in order to maintain the career success, candidates
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
elevate their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Employees
always look for new opportunities and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is essential for their career growth.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Therfore
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
like to work with an employer who gives them chance for learning new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.

To conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
cannot
be convinced
to give the longer services to an
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
by providing
Possible spelling mistake found.
monetory
benefits
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
. Other things like safety, balance between personal and professional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
are
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
.

IELTS essay Some people believe that there are various reasons that can motivate a person to keep working for the same company whereas others say that money is the main reason which gives motivation.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
299 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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