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Reasons to attend college

Reasons to attend college RW0EQ
Many people attend to university or collage after their high school years for several reason which they choose by them self. I believe that the most common reason why people attend to university or collage to have new experiences on life, to prepare for a career, and to increase their knowledge of their personality. Firstly, many people attend to university or collage to have new experience in life. Many students leave their home and move to live by them self when they go to university. This is the first time that they had to make a resolution on their own, without their parents’ help. Making their own decisions will increase their knowledge of themselves. Moreover, students on the university can meet different students from different nationalities and religions so students can learn about different culture around the world. Secondly, many people go to university or collage to prepare for a career. Career training is becoming more important nowadays to young people compared to old people. At college, students learn many skills for their career and they intern to internship with a lot of chances. All of these things prepare them for their career. Also, students attend university or college to increase their self-knowledge of their personality on life. They attend for that to increase their knowledge in subjects which they find interesting. For example, many students study science because they are iinterest in science but they work on the business area. To sum up, I think people should not only focus on a career when they go to university or college. They have to follow to have new experience and knowledge about their personality and the great world around them which they live in.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
attend
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
or collage after their high school years for
Possible agreement error. The noun reason seems to be countable; consider using: "several reasons".
several reason
which they choose by them self. I believe that the most common reason why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
attend
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
or collage to have new experiences on life, to prepare for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
, and to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increase
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
of their personality.

Firstly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
attend
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
or collage to have new experience in life.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
their home and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
by them self when they go to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
. This is the
first
time that they had to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a resolution on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
, without their parents’
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
. Making their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
decisions will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increase
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
of themselves.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
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students
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
nationalities and religions
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can learn about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
culture around the world.
Secondly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
go to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
or collage to prepare for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Career
training is becoming more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
nowadays to young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
compared to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. At college,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
learn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
for their
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
career and
they intern to internship with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
chances. All of these things prepare them for their career.

Also
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
attend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
or college to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increase
their self-knowledge of their personality on life. They
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
attend
for that to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increase
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
in subjects which they find interesting.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
study science
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are
Possible spelling mistake found.
iinterest
in science
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they work on the business area.

To sum up, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
focus on a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
when they go to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
or college. They
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
follow to have new experience and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
about their personality and the great world around them which they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in.
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IELTS essay Reasons to attend college

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
284 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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