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some people believe that the salaries paid to the professional sports people are too high, while others argue that sports salaries are fair. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

some people believe that the salaries paid to the professional sports people are too high, while others argue that sports salaries are fair. Kw0q1
There might be several reasons that people agree to the salaries paid to the sports people are way too high while others believe that they deserve the remuneration they are receiving. Personally, I am in favor of the latter view. Considerable arguments can be made that professional sports people does risk their life while playing the games and give their best efforts to win. In this way, the respective country gains the immense popularity and respect which in turn helps in building the cordial relationships with other countries. Therefore, paying highest salaries to the most hardworking and dedicated professional sports people could be agreed. Furthermore, conducting sports in any country will be profitable as the money is received from the various advertises and also from the ticket buyers, which boosts the country economy. Lastly, sports play a major role in providing entertainment which cannot be ignored. Every human needs a break from the daily routine and watching sports helps in reducing the stress levels besides young people get inspired from the renowned sports people. Admittedly, some people assert that instead of paying huge amounts of money as salaries to the sports people, government can invest the money in social welfare activities like providing free education to the merit and needy students or by building an established and useful firms which in turn helps in eradicating the unemployment also benefits the country economy. Nevertheless, It is advisable to increase the wages of the other respected professionals like doctors and teachers. In summary I would concede that, though paying high salaries to the professional sports personalities is not encouraged by certain people however I personally feel that they deserve high pay as they sometimes risk their own life's while playing. In addition to that, they never hesitates to work harder to achieve their goals in process of bringing glory to the country.
There might be several reasons that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salaries
paid to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are way too high while others believe that they deserve the remuneration they are receiving.
Personally
, I am in favor of the latter view. Considerable arguments can
be made
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
does
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
their
Did you mean "lives"?
life
while playing the games and give their best efforts to win. In this way, the respective
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
gains the immense popularity and respect which in turn
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
in building the cordial relationships with other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
Therefore
, paying
A determiner is probably missing here: "the highest".
highest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salaries
to the most hardworking and dedicated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
could be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agreed
.
Furthermore
, conducting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
in any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
will be profitable as the money
is received
from the various advertises and
also
from the ticket buyers, which boosts the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
economy.
Lastly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
play a major role in providing entertainment which cannot be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignored
. Every human needs a break from the daily routine and watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
in reducing the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
levels
besides
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
inspired from the renowned
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Admittedly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
assert that
instead
of paying huge amounts of money as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salaries
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
can invest the money in social welfare activities like providing free education to the merit and needy students or by building an established and useful firms which in turn
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
in eradicating the unemployment
also
benefits the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
economy.
Nevertheless
, It is advisable to increase the wages of the other respected
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professionals
like doctors and teachers. In
The comma is probably missing here: "summary, I".
summary I
would concede that, though paying high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salaries
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
personalities is not encouraged by certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
however
I
personally
feel that they deserve high pay as they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
life's while playing.
In addition
to that, they never hesitates to work harder to achieve their goals in process of bringing glory to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
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IELTS essay some people believe that the salaries paid to the professional sports people are too high, while others argue that sports salaries are fair.

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
310 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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