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Some people believe that the Olympics Games do not have a role in the 21st Century Do you agree or disagree with this statement Give reasons for your answer and include examples from your experience v.1

Some people believe that the Olympics Games do not have a role in the 21st Century 1
Olympic games plays a vital role between different nations. One of the most controversial issue today leads to that, it is often argued by some people that Olympic games do not have any major role in this century. Nevertheless, I completely disagree with the given statement and given reasons that how Olympic games put impact on this century through some examples and assertions in the further piece of essay. The first step to understand that, what are the optimistic impacts of Olympic games in 21st century. The prominent reason is that, in the century with full of gadget and machines Olympic games is the platform which provides social communication. Similarly, Olympics are known to be significant as it gives chance to individuals for interacting with people from distinct countries and they can also get to know their cultures. In addition, it is theme of Olympics that, they are held in different countries after every four years and people travel to see their nation playing. Nowadays, people neither have time for themselves nor for there families, therefore this can be the opportunity for them to do outing with their families and friends and spend time with with. The second foremost reason for disagreement is that, Olympic games increase the financial status of the country in which they are held. Since, it helps the host country' s economy by tourism of players and tourists. However, children get to know about vast number of equipments used in games and enhances their knowledge regarding sports. A good illustration is, in a survey of california university, it was shown that Olympics rise 30 percentage financial status of the host country. Even though, in the twenty first century Olympic games have positive impact on people. In conclusion, I tend to believe that, Olympic games can provide all the things which can not be seen neither in any gadget nor through technology and Olympics is a perfect place to interact socially with people from their hectic schedules, as a result no body can not say no to such fascinating games.
Olympic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
plays a vital role between
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
nations. One of the most controversial issue
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
leads to that, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
argued by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that Olympic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
do not have any major role in this century.
Nevertheless
, I completely disagree with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
statement and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
reasons that how Olympic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
put impact on this century through
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
examples and assertions in the
further
piece of essay.

The
first
step to understand that, what are the optimistic impacts of Olympic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
in 21st century. The prominent reason is that, in the century with full of gadget and machines Olympic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
is the platform which provides social communication.
Similarly
, Olympics
are known
to be significant as it gives chance to individuals for interacting with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from distinct
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
countries and
they can
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to know their cultures.
In addition
, it is
Consider using a past participle here: "themed".
theme
of Olympics that, they
are held
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
after every four years and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
travel to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
their nation playing. Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
neither have time for themselves nor for there families,
therefore
this can be the opportunity for them to
The usual collocation for an activity ending in "-ing" is "go" not "do" or "play." Revise: "go outing".
do outing
with their families and friends and spend time
Possible typo: you repeated a word
with with
.

The second foremost reason for disagreement is that, Olympic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
increase the financial status of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
in which they
are held
. Since, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
the host
Possible spelling mistake found.
country&
#039; s economy by tourism of players and tourists.
However
, children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to know about vast number of equipments
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
and enhances their knowledge regarding sports. A
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
illustration is, in a survey of
Possible spelling mistake found.
california
university, it
was shown
that Olympics rise 30 percentage financial status of the host
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
Even though
, in the twenty
first
century Olympic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

In conclusion
, I tend to believe that, Olympic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
can provide all the things which can not be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
neither in any gadget nor through technology and Olympics is a perfect place to interact
socially
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from their hectic schedules,
as a result
Did you mean "nobody"?
no body
can not say no to such fascinating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
20Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
16Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay Some people believe that the Olympics Games do not have a role in the 21st Century 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
343 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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