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Some people believe that the main purpose of education is to bring useful individuals to the society, but some argued that education should be targeted at fulfilling personal ambitions. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.

Some people believe that the main purpose of education is to bring useful individuals to the society, but some argued that education should be targeted at fulfilling personal ambitions. XladN
Education plays a significant role in nowadays society. Some people believe that the most important function of education is to develop valuable people, while others support that bringing personal dreams to reality is the goal. With the development of technology and science, competition is fierce all over the world. In order to make our society prosperous, the government spends a large amount of money to improve public knowledge levels. For example, the government raised colleges to set up various kinds of scholarships, not only to help poor students but also to reward good students. By using this money, young people who are suffered from poverty can go to school without worrying about their financial condition and all the students can be inspirited to get a higher grade. The council makes so many efforts that they should be paid back. Education is a bridge that can lead people to achieve their goals, some people believe that education is a chance to change their current situation. For example, some people back to school after several years of work because they find that their knowledge cannot satisfy their ambitions, so it is necessary for them to enrich knowledge by taking education. Their point is to study for making their dream come true. In my point of view, these two points are not diametrically opposed because people who are willing to struggle for dreams usually have good character traits, such as: brave and unremitting, which means they can be useful people to society. So we can reach our dream as well as be a useful person.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Education
plays a significant role
nowadays is used without 'in'. Use simply: "nowadays".
in nowadays
society.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
function of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is to develop valuable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, while others support that bringing personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dreams
to reality is the goal.

With the development of technology and science, competition is fierce all over the world. In order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
our society prosperous, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
spends a large amount of money to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
public knowledge levels.
For example
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
raised colleges to set up various kinds of scholarships, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
poor students
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
to reward
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
students. By using this money, young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
are suffered
from poverty can go to school without worrying about their financial condition and all the students can
be inspirited
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a higher grade. The council
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
efforts that they should
be paid
back.

Education is a bridge that can lead
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to achieve their goals,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is a chance to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
situation.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
back to school after several years of work
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they find that their knowledge cannot satisfy their ambitions,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it is necessary for them to enrich knowledge by taking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
. Their point is to study for making their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dream
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
true.

In my point of view, these two points are not
diametrically
opposed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are willing to struggle for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dreams
usually
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
character traits, such as: brave and unremitting, which means they can be useful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to society.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
we can reach our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dream
as well
as be a useful person.
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IELTS essay Some people believe that the main purpose of education is to bring useful individuals to the society, but some argued that education should be targeted at fulfilling personal ambitions.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
262 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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