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some people believe that the increasing popularity of shopping as a leisure activity is a positive trend. To what extend do you agree or disagree with this opinion

some people believe that the increasing popularity of shopping as a leisure activity is a positive trend. with this opinion kgJ08
Shopping has become prominent among some individuals. Famous acquisition during free time has been seen as a constructive movement in some people. In my opinion, shopping during time off increases impulses buying which has a negative effect on an individual lifestyle. Firstly, people are captivated by diverse products for instance cosmetic items, clothing items, and apparel displayed at the shopping mail likewise, when shopping online. Stores give a regular discount while online stores give vouchers or coupons to encourage patronage from them. For this reason, impulse buying is inevitable, likewise, easy access to point of sale payment through debit/ credit card promotes shopping. Thus, continuous impulse buying makes people acquire products that are not useful. Therefore they are disposed of in a sooner time. For instance, it was discovered by a survey by the Nigeria e-commerce department that youngsters exhibit impulse buying during a spare moment. I am of the opinion that purchases should not be done at the regular time off. Secondly, some humans who patronage store at idle hours become a shopaholic hence, their individual lifestyle is affected negatively. They spend above their budget on a monthly basis likewise, they run into debt. Under these circumstances their emotional state is unstable and they are pressurized. For example, I felt unease and guilty whenever I accumulated debt from shopping at spare movement. In conclusion, the recent mode of shopping at time off has a negative impact on people's lifestyle and increases impulse buying. I disagree that acqusition at free time has a positive trend.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Shopping
has become prominent among
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
individuals.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Famous
acquisition during free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
has been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
as a constructive movement in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
during
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
off increases
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
impulses
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buying
which has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effect on an individual lifestyle.

Firstly
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are captivated
by diverse products
for instance
cosmetic items, clothing items, and apparel displayed at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
mail
likewise
, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
online. Stores give a regular discount while online stores give vouchers or coupons to encourage patronage from them.
For this reason
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
impulse
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buying
is inevitable,
likewise
, easy access to point of sale payment through debit/ credit card promotes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
.
Thus
, continuous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
impulse
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buying
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
acquire products that are not useful.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
they
are disposed
of in a sooner
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
For instance
, it
was discovered
by a survey by the Nigeria e-commerce department that youngsters exhibit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
impulse
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buying
during a spare moment. I am of the opinion that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchases
should not
be done
at the regular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
off.

Secondly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
humans who patronage store at idle hours become a shopaholic
hence
, their individual lifestyle is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
negatively
. They spend above their budget on a monthly basis
likewise
, they run into debt.
Under these circumstances
their emotional state is
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
unstable and
they
are pressurized
.
For example
, I felt unease and guilty whenever I accumulated debt from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
at spare movement.

In conclusion
, the recent mode of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
off has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's lifestyle and increases
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
impulse
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buying
. I disagree that
Possible spelling mistake found.
acqusition
at free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
trend.
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IELTS essay some people believe that the increasing popularity of shopping as a leisure activity is a positive trend. with this opinion

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
255 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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